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IELTS Essay Correction: Producing More And More Rubbish.

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can the government do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Over the last few decades, a large amount of waste materials is has been produced by people (1). This essay will discuss how (2) over-population and over-packaging of materials are contributing towards excessive waste products (= a large amount of waste materials – first sentence. You can avoid this repetition by using THIS, as I’ve done below.) and what steps can be taken by governments to minimize the production of the rubbish.

1. Wrong tense. You’ve used ‘over the last few decades’. That is, something started in the past and continues in the present. For these situations, the correct tense is the Present Perfect Tense.

2. Do not use ‘This essay will discuss’. Of course, the essay will do this. There is no need to state this. Moreover, the examiner knows that students cram certain fixed structures such as ‘this essay will discuss’. They consider this as a mechanical and non-original style of writing. This reduces your score. Let me restructure the introduction.

Over the last few decades, a large amount of waste material has been produced by the people. I think this is primarily due to over-population and over-packaging of materials. The governments can frame regulations to prevent over-packaging and restrict population growth to reduce this menace.

One of the main reasons for incrementing (increment = a small increase in a series of increase.) a massive increase in waste materials is over-population. (You need not use ‘this is because’ to begin the explanation of the idea.) This is because, i In order to accommodate the ever-increasing demands of people (Is this demand due to over-population? Please write clearly.) an huge population for food, clothes, and other commodities, factories are producing the equivalent (equivalent to what?) amount of waste materials as a result of their manufacturing process. (In order to meet the food, housing and clothing needs of a huge population, factories produce goods at a mass scale and this results in a massive waste generation.) For instance, in a recent study from the Waste Management Department in India has revealed (a study can reveal; in a study can’t reveal.) that almost 30% more waste (30 percent more with respect to what? MORE is always used to compare two things. More X than Y.) has been produced by the production companies since the population has reached 2 billion. (3) However, (This cohesive device is used to express contrast. You’re proposing a solution. Not a contrasting statement.) the regime can spread awareness among citizens about the birth-control, which is a helpful approach for minimizing waste materials by controlling the population. (The government can effectively tackle this issue by making citizens aware of the need for birth control. The fewer the number of humans, the lesser is the waste generated.)

3. The example can be better constructed by focusing mentioning the duration of increase. For instance, a recent study by the Waste Management Department in India has revealed with a rapid increase in the country’s population during the last two decades, the food waste has increased by 30 percent.

Another cause of waste production is the over-packaging of goods by the manufacturing companies. In order to attract more customers by providing , the companies provide fancy wrapping and advance packing over a product, companies which are wasting a huge amount of papers. (Incorrect use of In order to. “In order to X, Y” – that is, to achieve X, do Y. Y = fancy wrapping and advance packaging.) This ultimately leads to burgeoning waste material in the environment and upsets the ecological balance of the atmosphere. The cure for the same can be achieved by regulating To cure this problem, governments need to regulate such companies by giving them a warning first and then taking rigid steps to set an example for the rest of the production other companies. (The solution can be better constructed: To cure this problem, governments need to regulate the industry by imposing heavy taxes on fresh plastic and paper packaging and giving incentives for using recycled packaging material.)

In a nutshell, although over-population and over-packaging (packing is different from packaging.) of products are the main reasons for increasing waste materials, these problems causes are not insurmountable (the problem is waste materials. Over-population and over-packaging are the causes.). In my view, it is the responsibility of the government to tackle these issues, and they can begin by considering some of the solutions proposed above(A conclusion is a summary of the essay. It is meant to present the larger picture. You can’t say ‘solutions proposed above’. The reader is not supposed to go back to the body paragraphs to understand the conclusion.) 

In a nutshell, over-population and over-packaging are responsible for the problem of huge waste piles in our cities. To make the earth a sustainable place to live, governments must act promptly and regulate the packaging industry while controlling the population.

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