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IELTS Essay Correction: Worth Judged From Social Status And Material Possessions.

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness, and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Material possessions may show whether you live a successful life or not; they could also express your place in the social hierarchy. However, fancy objects they (1) do not tell what kind of person you are, and how you treat your family members, friends or business partners. Honour, kindness, and trust might be old-fashioned values; yet even in our modern, accelerated life, they can be helpful in measuring our worth based on our merits.

1. Please understand that using imperfect synonyms will not increase your score. Rather, it will reduce the LR bands. Fancy objects is not the same as material possessions. You’ve already used THEY in the previous sentence to refer to material possessions. Keep using that pronoun.

OPINION missing. This is an opinion question. You’ve mentioned that H, K, and T are important. But that does not explain where you stand. Write clearly “I believe/ think”.

We live in the age of global capitalism, which tends to measure things based on their profitability. (Hold this thought – 2) Your social status is undoubtedly expressed by the figure on your payslip. If your expertise is are demanded in the job market, you will be rewarded with a high salary (= payslip. This sentence is partially same as the previous sentence.)(Task response issue in idea 1.) (Learn how to explain an idea. See RESTRUCTURE below.)

In addition, our globalised age is an era of individualism.(3) Your self-esteem is inevitably intertwined with your material wealth and position in your community. Social status and expensive merchandises may express your worth more obviously then values which are more abstract or hard to be measured in an economic sense.

2. Your opening sentence should convey the idea you’re planning to explain in a body paragraph. However, in this sentence, you’ve mentioned ‘things’ and ‘profitability’. Your question is on ‘worth of an individual’. I can’t read the topic in your first idea or explanation. Task response issue.

Restructure: In the age of global capitalism, the financial worth of an individual is more than his moral worth. A person’s social status is determined by the skills he possesses and the salary he earns. People prefer to see others as doctors, engineers, scientists, and entrepreneurs. They measure others by their vehicles, houses, furniture, clothes, and smartphones.

3. You’ve raised the idea of individualism. But the following sentences do not explain that idea. You should have CLEARLY mentioned and explained that material wealth is individual but H, K, and T are social. Here’s how: In addition, the modern world is more individualistic than ever before. A person is seen isolated from others (= individual) and only his personal (= individual) wealth is seen. The qualities such as honor, truth and kindness, which are social and not individual, are not given much value. (Note that the entire argument is clearly developed around individualism.)

Nevertheless, basic values like honor, trust, and kindness still have a common understanding (values can’t have an understanding. Wrong word choice.) in morally judging the worth of people. Therefore, measuring your actions to in terms of these values can substantially affect your social status. (How? The next sentence does not explain how ACTIONS measured in terms of HONOR impact social status.) Honor holds an overall moral judgment of society about your life regardless of your material wealth. Being trusted means you are a responsible and reliable individual. Trust is thus (You’ve not built an argument that necessitates the use of thus.) indispensable in both your personal and business life. Kindness is an ancient value, even if it is neglected from time to time. (So, it is not useful. Right? The question focuses on nowadays.) Compassion, helpfulness, and unselfishness have key importance in our social relations as being a parent, a son or daughter, a friend or generally a person who cares about others. (Whoa! You’ve mentioned a LOT of moral qualities and have none of them. See 4 below.) To illustrate, voluntary work in nature and environment protection or in fighting against poverty have become extremely popular in the past twenty years.

4. Restructure: I’ve taken FOUR real-life situations and explained these virtues in their context. Despite the rise of individualism in the professional world, there are many social situations in which moral values are respected. In case of an accident, people still help the victims in first aid and transport them to a hospital out of kindness. Parents send children to a school on the trust that the school will take proper care and ensure safety and security. All schools maintain this trust. People still trust strangers when they take a lift to their destination. In many western countries, despite the rise of materialism and individualism, people leave their homes unlocked due to the trust that nobody will enter in their property and violate their rights.

In conclusion, material wealth is unquestionably an indicator of your economic worth and status in society. Moral values, nonetheless, also represent a common understanding of what a valuable person is like, therefore your social status can be affected by the moral judgment of the community you live in.

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