Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Television Advertisements Have Benefits.

Some people say that TV advertisements have benefits, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both views, give your own opinion and include examples from your experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people believe that TV commercials are beneficial since they help people to select the best products available in the market, whereas others do not support this view and think that they mislead people into buying harmful products (mislead the people = do not support this view). I agree with the former view.

On the one hand, some people, including me, believe that there are lots of products available in the market and making the right purchasing decision can be a daunting task. Television commercials provide detailed information about various products and help people to identify the products that address their specific needs. This leads to making informed purchasing decisions and saving significant time and financial resources. For instance, there are a variety of toothpaste brands such as Colgate, Pepsodant, Cibaca, available in the market and they are available to meet the specific dental hygiene needs of different age groups. Through TV advertisements, people are educated about their potential benefits and this helps them in making an informed purchasing decision(You can better construct this example with the following sentence.) Television commercials inform about their ingredients, price, and dental problems that they address so that people can make a wise choice.

On the other hand, some people think that TV commercials can provide misleading information about various products. In order to beat the stiff market competition, they companies not only promote the wrong products but also target the unsuitable consumer base to promote their products (1). This flooding of misinformation (Coherence issue: I can’t see link between wrong products and unsuitable consumer base, on one hand, and misinformation, on the other.) (2) among viewers is harmful as they purchase products that may be of no use to them or may even be harmful. (that X or Y. Maintain parallelism.) For example, recently, Magix noodles were being promoted by various TV commercials, targeting children in particular. Upon investigation by some healthcare agencies, it was revealed that they contain a significant quantity of lead which was unfit for human consumption and could cause severe detrimental effects on health. (I can’t see MISINFORMATION in this example. I can see non-disclosure. Logical flow of ideas.)

1. Pronoun mistake: they refers to TV commercials. But, TV commercials can’t ‘beat stiff competition’. Companies can. Plus, their products can be a company’s products, not of TV commercials. The point to note is that this pronoun mistake distorts the logical flow and MAY deal a double blow. For these mistakes, you may lose bands both in grammar (wrong pronoun) and coherence (logic).

2. Restructure: In order to beat stiff competition, companies often promote products by either giving wrong information or hiding crucial information. While automobile companies never reveal the correct mileage of a car on actual roads, food companies do not disclose certain harmful ingredients.

While the ideas in BP 1 are clearly and logically developed, there are clear gaps in BP 2. Your essay scores well on grammar, cohesion, and lexical resources. Need to work on coherence and task response (both in BP 2).

In conclusion, while some believe that TV commercials are harmful since they mislead people by providing wrong information, I think that people benefit from them because they help them to make better purchasing decisions.

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