Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Internet And Television Offer Chance To Become Famous.

Today, the Internet and TV have created the chance for ordinary people to become famous. Is it a positive or negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is staggering how many anonymous (1) people have become very popular over the globe at nearly no cost and in nearly no time, thanks to the Internet and TV. Due to the sheer benefits it brings to humanity as a whole, this trend is absolutely largely a positive one despite minor misuse by some. (absolutely = 100 percent. If it has misuse, it can’t be 100 percent positive. Choose words carefully.)

1. Wrong word choice – anonymous refers to someone whose identity is not known. It’s hidden. It is not the same as ordinary. 

On the one hand, the TV and the Internet are considered a breeding ground for creative and helpful individuals to share their experience, thoughts, and guides from which many could benefit from. The more people like, talk about and share that useful content, the higher the number of followers those that publisher (those publishers) will have and, as a result, they will gain more popularity and become prominent in the society. (Structure of your paragraph – 2) In that sense, we can say that the Internet and TV plays play a positive role in starring those who really add value to the community and are of great support, help, and benefit for others.

2. You’ve written the following structure: Sentence 1 – people share content for the benefit of others. Sentence 2 should explain HOW this benefits others. But, your second sentence is on popularity and prominence. Sentence 3 – you have concluded the idea stated in sentence 1. This is called a vague and discontinuous writing. Discontinuous because you’ve raised idea 1 in sentences 1 and 3, and sentence 2 is on another idea. Alternate structure:

On the one hand, the television ……… from which many could benefit. (Explain HOW in the following sentences.) There are common people who have started their Youtube channels to share their cooking recipes and teach the English language to foreigners. Also, many people have become famous by sharing their political thoughts on these mediums. This has really benefitted the society more democratic and free.

Note that in the above paragraph, I’ve given the examples of a cooking channel, English language channel, etc.

However, in the same way (in which WAY? I can’t read a WAY in the above paragraph/ Write as clearly as possible. Writing the media is enough.) superficial, maniac, and bad individuals can exploit the media and get the fame. Their published contents and views may influence many uneducated, mentally-ill people to follow them. This could, temporarily, shed the light (3) on those bad individuals. (Avoid this sentence to give an example. This is important to explain the meaning of bad individuals. Otherwise, your ideas will remain vague and unclear.) (4) Fortunately, the ability to report bad media can significantly reduce the influence of the rules violating content the content that violates rules and eventually restrict their publishers. 

3. Shed the light = to make something more clear. Can you please shed some light on this mathematics concept? Its use in incorrect here.

4. Example: Some people choose to telecast their religiously fundamental views and inspire others to carry out acts of violence. There are numerous, very famous websites and Youtube channels which preach violence in the name of Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, and Sikhism. They make our society unstable and prevent economic development.

The arguments in both body paragraphs are not adequately developed. You have numerous examples in your knowledge. Just observe them and put them on paper during brainstorming. This will help you write better body paragraphs. Remember: A specific response with no vagueness will fetch higher bands.

To conclude, TV and the Internet have provided ordinary people with unprecedented opportunity to share their experience in the hope of helping others and, as a result, gain fame. Despite being badly exploited in a few incidents, this trend is considered as a good one due to the numerous benefits it brings.

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