Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Internet Has Greatly Increased Access To Information.

The internet has greatly increased our access to information. To what extent do you think this is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Answer:

The advent of the internet has led to humungous transformations not only at national but rather also (1) at an international level, leaving everyone to lead an internet-dependent life. While the advantages of the internet are numerous namely accessibility to flexible search engines, location finder, language translators but , (do not use BUT with WHILE. Both are used to express contrast between two statements.) there is a negative aspect of it too which is the over-indulgence of people which in my opinion can be controlled through government intervention.(no need to give a solution in the introduction. That’s not the question. Also, avoid using WHICH twice in the same sentence.) (2)

1. If something has two impacts – A and B, you should use not only X but also Y construction. RATHER is incorrect as it is used to express contrast.

2. Let us restructure this sentence – Firstly, NAMELY should be placed next to ADVANTAGES. Secondly, if you’re using WHILE construction, it is obvious that you’re writing the opposite of the previous statement. So, there is no need of writing ‘disadvantages’. While the internet has numerous advantages namely …… , it also leads to the over-indulgence in useless and harmful activities.

Internet has now become the bread and butter of the economic world and together all the nations are striving to achieve better results everyday. (You’ve conveyed two different ideas in the same sentence. Is it bread and butter OR helps achieve better results? Raise only one point at a time and explain it well.) No matter where you are, but (Wrong placement if BUT) if you have access to the world wide web you can learn, find, understand and even share things widely across multiple countries. (Does this help achieve better results? Explain the idea completely.) (1) Google, for instance, aptly represents the power of internet aptly. (place adverb next to the verb.) It is a platform on the internet that branches out its capability from being able to define defining word meanings, translating them to different languages, producing relatable images to capture capturing your location via Google maps and guide guiding you about current traffic on your route. (2)

1. Please note that my first sentence is the IDEA statement and the following one is the EXPLANATION of the idea. The internet has become indispensable in all business operations as it has helped achieve better results (IDEA – better results). Tools such as email, Skype, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are excellent tools to connect with customers in different parts of the world. This enables companies to solve customer issues almost instantly (EXPLANATION of better results).

2. Violates parallelism – From X, Y and Z to A and B. The first words of X, Y, Z, A, B should belong to the same family and follow the same form.

Another vital example of this powerful feature (wrong word choice – the internet is not a feature. It is a system.) system is accessibility to YouTube videos. Many people’s life today has transformed dramatically due to this platform. Justin Bieber, singer from Canada, is the live example of that. It was his mother who posted his performance videos on YouTube and this act made him an overnight star at merely an age of 11 years. Thus, the reach of the internet is definitely a good thing.

On the contrary, people have tend to become so overly dependent on it that the fear of human interaction getting lost is being discussed all around the world. For example, many schools are providing modern education through smart devices or computers but this has left them in a dilemma that whether teachers can replace computers these devices will replace teachers in near future? (let us use these devices to refer back to computers) (You’ve written the opposite. Teachers – computers.) Not only the fear confines to human interaction (I’ve not understood the significance of the not only part of this sentence. It does not convey any new meaning.) but Moreover, the credibility of books, newspapers, magazines and, most importantly, (put most importantly within commas) relationships is being questioned. (How?) In my opinion, though (wrong use of THOUGH – it is used to express despite. Though we tried hard, we could not reach in time.) these areas require to be scrutinized and appropriate actions can be taken by both people as well as the government. It should be a collaborative effort from both parties to create awareness about the benefits of traditional methods (which traditional methods? How do they relate to the Internet?) used in the path (which path?) and how it has helped so far. (This sentence is VAGUE. It fails to communicate the message.)

Therefore, I believe the advantages of internet outweigh its disadvantages and hence, its usage is far more beneficial in improving the standard of living.

397 words. That’s too long for the exam. Save some time for revision by writing fewer words.

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