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IELTS Essay Correction: Physical Fitness vs Mental Attitude For Sports Achievement.

Some people believe that the physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for most sports achievements. Others, however, think that mental attitude is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Sports are a popular form of entertainments entertainment in the modern world. (1) Players of a team play the a vital role for in success in any competition. (Players of a team are vital for success in any sports competition.) (Correct prepositions: role in; vital for.While some people argue that the physical fitness of players and teams are the deciding factor for win or loss in games, others believe that the key factor is the mental attitude. In my opinion, the fitness of the players is the dominant factor while attitude also plays some sort of role to succeed in sports. 

1. Do not forget the use of the article “A”. There can be many forms of entertainment. Sports are just one of them. Use ‘a’ before adjective popular to refer to ‘a form of entertainment‘. The article ‘THE’ is used when an adjective (modern) restricts the use of a noun (world). For more read my article on “The use of article THE”

The first sentence of the introduction is completely unnecessary and off-topic. You should avoid that.

Physical fitness of the (you should use article the with players only if you’re refering to a specific type of players who have already been mentioned.) players a team’s members plays (avoid word repetition – play, players) the most important role in sports. To play a game throughout the duration (1) with high performance, a player needs to be extremely fit fit in extreme level. (2) For this purpose, the managers of a team provide special care on developing and maintaining the fitness of the players of the teams through physical exercise. (Idea not adequately explained.) In modern sports, players spend more than half of their practice time in gymnasiums to keep themselves fit and strong which helps them to succeed. (That’s exactly the question. How?) For example, while the players of Bangladesh Men Cricket Team take part in physical training morning and afternoon sessions every day, they practice batting and bowling afternoon session only. (How does this help in sports achievement?)

1. The use of article the means that you’re talking about a specific duration. I can’t see a specific duration. 

2. You’ve not explained HOW physical fitness helps in sports achievements. Plus, You’ve repeated the words play, players; fitness too frequently. See the restructured paragraph below.

Physical fitness of a team is the most important element in securing its victory in a match. (Now, explain HOW.) Only a physically strong player can endure in a match which usually lasts up to three hours. Soccer players have to stay active and run fast for two periods of 45 minutes each. A cricket team stays in the ground for more than three hours. This is possible only if the muscles are strong.

A player’s attitude is also one of the key factors for the success of a team. Sometimes, keeping the nerve in close matches sometimes decides the result. (Which team? The use of article the demands a specific team.) The A team management as a result sometimes takes the help of psychiatrists to improve the mental attitude of the players of the team. (You’ve not explained how mental attitude helps in winning matches.) For instance, Bangladesh‘s Cricket Board has recruited a psychiatrist permanently so that the players of both men and women teams can consult with him whenever required. (Does this help in winning matches?) In addition, the board sometime brings experts in sport psychology to improve the mental attitude of the players. (Does this help in winning matches?)

There is a loss of task response in the above paragraph as you’ve not explained HOW mental attitude helps in winning matches. Note how I’ve explained the role of mental attitude in winning matches. Restructure: A player’s mental attutude is sometimes the deciding factor in a match. In international sports, all players are physically strong and there is a negligible difference in their muscular strength. To win matches, the difference is of strategy and cooperation. The team members with a cooperative mental attitude help the other members so that the team can win the match. Similarly, players who have the attitude of studying the opposition’s strengths and weaknesses are more likely to win matches.

In conclusion, though mental attitude plays an important role for the sports achievements, I believe that physical fitness is the key contributing factor.

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