Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Physical Fitness vs Mental Attitude For Sports Achievement – 1.

Some people believe that the physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for most sports achievements. Others, however, think that mental attitude is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Many people assume that physical exercise is necessary for games. I think this has many benefits such as a person could pay attention to the game. (1) Others believe that mental stability also plays a crucial role in focusing sports (2). I agree with the former view.

1. Let us merge the two sentences. You need not express your opinion here if you’re planning to mention it at the end of the paragraph. Many people assume that physical exercise is necessary for games since this allows better focus while playing.

2. Both VIEWS can’t be because of the same reason – attention/ focus. Choose a different reason. Others believe that mental stability is more important as it enables a player to perform under pressure.

Certainly, physical fitness helps a sport’s sportsperson for maintaining health. If the person is healthy, he may actively involve in sports and stay focus on the game. Also, It avoids many cardiovascular disorders which are very common nowadays. (The context is not HEALTH. It is Sports Achievement. What is the role of physical fitness in winning matches? Focus is good. But, you need to explain how exactly focus helps in sports achievement.) For instance, cricket, football, and basketball games are required healthy for muscular fitness. (Word repetition – health. Moreover, healthy is an adverb. Do not use it with a noun. Use an adjective – muscular – with a noun.) Indeed, if you want achievement in any sports, (any = singular. Use a singular noun – sport) you should be focused (… you should focus on …..on the physical activities that could build a team more efficiently. (Deviation from IDEA. Your idea is that physical activities help in building focus. You’ve changed the idea.)

I’m compelled to break this paragraph. In a body paragraph, you should explain one or two ideas in a logical manner to score good bands in CC and TR. Certainly, physical fitness helps a sportsperson for maintaining health. If the person is healthy, he may actively involve in sports and stay focus on the game. International sportspersons have to play a game for several hours against the best players from different parts of the world. They need a strong body so that muscles do not develop fatigue and they can stay focused.

Many of the outdoor games are relying on (games can never rely on someone.) the human body condition. ( Write a clear sentence. You’ve made a logic mistake above.: Many outdoor games such as football and badminton require flexibility and strength in the body.) If the sportsperson is not participating in does not exercise, he might ruin the whole team unity, this is an essential part for winning a game. Take an example, In cricket game, In cricket, a keeper must not leave a single catch during the match. (You need not write example to give an example. This will improve your score as overuse of cohesive devices is not recommended.) This (Oops! This refers to not leaving a single catch. How can it lead to a disappointment?) leads to disappointment to the whole team spirit. Thus, obviously in any sports success depends on the physical activities.

Furthermore, generally many people express their opinion that accomplishing any sports sport (can’t accomplish a sport. Logic flaw.) need a positive behavior (mental attitude). In every competition, one team wins and the other loses one should succeed others should lose. This does not mean a person (which person?) would lose hope on the sports and (who must try? If you fail to use a subject after and, it will be considered a fragment sentence. These two are independent clauses and they must have independent existance. One can’t borrow a subject from the other.) must try harder and harder. (This does not mean that the losing side should lose hope and it must try harder to win in the future. This is possible only if the players have a positive mindset.) In many competitive games, a lot of people get nervous. (Is this the next idea? This sentence is in no manner connected to the previous sentence.) In this situation, gamers get exhausted and lose their physical strength, but true sportsman must show a positive attitude and focus on the game. Take an example, a A Srilankan cricket player, Marvan Atapattu, never scored a single digit run in his first ten matches. Still, he practiced and continued playing the game. (continued what? Fragment sentence again. GR score falls.) Now he is considered one of the greatest cricket player in the world. A true sports spirit would require a mental skill. (Spirit does not need a skill. Logically flawed sentence.) As a result, Whenever a sportsman is low he should not disappoint instead he should pay attention towards the game’s success.

The paragraph is poorly constructed due to lack of flow in ideas. Logic violated at several places. This will reduce the TR and CC score. Fragment sentences will cost bands in GR.

In summary, although many people argue that winning a game would need a proper mindset, I strongly believe an involvement of in (wrong preposition – of completely changes the meaning of the sentence. Can you guess how?) physical activities certainly plays a key role in any game.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.