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IELTS Essay Correction: Physical Fitness vs Mental Attitude For Sports Achievement – 2.

Some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for most sports achievements. Others, however, think that mental attitude is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The common goal of every athlete all athletes (The goal of every athlete …..) (Common is for more than one person.) is to succeed in their chosen sport type of sports. While some people think that the key to sports achievement is physical health, others contend that having a healthy mental disposition is the most vital aspect. In my opinion, physical strength and mental perspective are both necessary in achieving success.(The last sentence includes the repetition of a number of words. Let us find a way to communicate the same message without making any repetition. In my opinion, a mixture (an optimum balance) of the two approaches is crucial. OR In my view, success is possible only if a sportsperson can strike the right balance between the two approaches.)

On the one hand, some people argue that one component of a strong and highly competitive sports team is the presence of physically fit individuals the physical fitness of its team members. (Use ‘physical fitness’ in the previous sentence so that you can use THIS to refer back and avoid writing ‘physical health‘) Physical health This involves stamina, power, agility, and strength. Being physically healthy allows which allow (Let us remove another repetition of physically healthy.) an athlete to perform his duties to the fullest extent in sports like basketball, soccer, boxing, and wrestling. (The use of WHICH also makes this sentence a compound sentence. This will increase your GR score.) For instance, Dave Batista, who is one of the most famous wrestlers in the world, will not have any chance in of (preposition – chance of) winning any match if he is not strong enough to wrestle the contenders. Moreover, if Kobe Bryant is sickly and easily suffers from fatigue, he cannot endure long periods playing for his basketball team. Thus, physical health is an essential factor in attaining sports success.

The ideas are logically presented. However, there are numerous word repetitions. I’ve shared with you the ways to avoid repetition without using a synonym. Learn that to improve your score.

On the other hand, some people believe that mental fitness can better lead an individual or a team to win in any sport sports competition. To be able to function optimally, one must have a positive outlook, strong determination, relentless perseverance and unflinching courage. (Wow! Perfect parallelism and LR.) In sports competitions, it is sometimes inevitable that games might not go as planned and athletes might experience failures. Having a good right (you’ve used GOOD thrice below – good strategies, good mental attitude.mental attitude leads them to strive harder and think of more effective tactics to play better and defeat their opponents. (Perseverance, determination and courage explained in one sentence. Good job!) For instance, in a basketball game, it is not always the team with physically strong players who wins, but it is the team who has never given up and has utilized good effective strategies and ideas that usually obtains victory.

In conclusion, although it is essential to be physically fit to outshine others especially in sports, I believe that physical strength is more effective if it is coupled with a good (this is the only GOOD I’ve retained. I’ve changed the rest.) mental attitude.

A good attempt in writing this essay. I see a few word repetitions and a scope for better sentence construction (in BP 1 only – GR score). Though LR is fine, word repetitions will hamper your score in this area. CC and TR are good.

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2 replies »

  1. Hi,
    How many bands will this essay likely get?

    It is argued as to what makes an athlete or a team successful. While some believe the sheer physical fitness to be at the root of it, others claim mental toughness to be the main factor. This essay will analyze the arguments made by both camps before drawing a reasoned conclusion.

    Firstly, those who claim physical fitness to be the main ingredient of success base their idea on the fact that most of the athletes spend majority of their training time on physical strength and conditioning, and they are rarely seen following any mental strengthening programs. Take the example of Rugby, where the most successful players are those that have spent the most training time in gyms working on their strength and agility, which directly translates to their better performance on the field. If one of these athletes start spending less time at gyms than their competitors and start focusing on mental strengthening, then they might lose that extra strength advantage that they posses. Thus, this makes it clear why some people think this way.

    However, on the other hand, some people also believe that mental toughness is the ultimate deciding factor that separates a world-class athlete from the rest because at the highest level of sport all the participants are at same physical fitness levels. For example, in Freestyle Olympic Wresting, one of the toughest sports in Olympics, athletes are divided into similar strength and weigh classes which ensures that no single participant has any extra strength advantage over others, and the only deciding factor here is their mental attitude since at such a high level they all posses the same technical skill set. From this it becomes quite evident why mental strength attitude could be the main reason for success.

    To sum up, looking at the training programs of most athletes some people believe that physical strength is the main ingredient of success, but some at the highest levels of sports most athletes are at same physical levels and the only thing that separates champions from participants is their mental attitude which is why many believe this to be the main factor. I personally believe that mental attitude is the most important factor that makes athletes successful. It is predicted that athletes and their coaches will realize this and incorporate mental strengthening programs in their training routines.

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