Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Physical Fitness vs Mental Attitude For Sports Achievement – 3.

Some people believe that the physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for most sports achievements. Others, however, think that mental attitude is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer.

Winners jump higher, run faster or prove to be stronger than their opponents. Many people think that sport successes success in sports are is only based only on the bodily physical (biological) (1) fitness of sportspeople (players) (Let us avoid repeating sports.). Others, however, believe that various non-physical, namely mental factors are more substantial (substantial is used in the context of SIZE. A substantial achievement.) important. in great achievements(great achievements is not the same as sports achievements. Using imperfect word replacements will reduce the LR score. There is no need to write anything. When you write more important, it is obvious that you’re comparing mental factors with physical fitness.)

1. The native English language users use certain noun-adjective combinations (collocations) more frequently than others. Bodily does not naturally come with fitness. I’ve mentioned better combinations above.

Undoubtedly, (2) participating in the world of professional sports undoubtedly requires specialised physical abilities. Generally, these both (wrong use of both. Also, there is no need of using this word.) involve a higher quantity and better quality of muscles and enhanced body functions, for . For example, it requires an increased lung capacity and an more effective efficient circulation system. (Need to write two separate sentences. MORE THAN whom? MORE is a comparative device that needs THAN. Parallelism – an increased; an efficient – Read my article on RULES OF PARALLELISM.) (3) The emphasis on certain requirements are different in various sports. (This sentence does not convey any meaningful idea related to the question. Just stick to the question statement.) For instance, football players have to have both the stamina of a long-distance runner – as a football match lasts for ninety minutes – and the abilities of a short-distance runner to in order to sprint for the ball faster than their opponent. Without these abilities, one can not lead his team to victory in a football tournament. (Finish the idea with the right context.)

2. Words like undoubtedly, however, moreover are used to set the stage for a sentence. So, they must be separated from the main sentence using one or more commas. I suggest writing them at the beginning of the sentence so that you have to use one comma only.

3. Effective = do the right things; Efficient = Do things in the right manner. When you want to say that something is done BETTER than others, use EFFICIENT.

Compared to physical fitness, psychical mental (psychic = someone who can predict future. Wrong synonym. LR score falls.) qualities are maybe less visible, (4) still they are defining factors of success not only in competitions, (There is no comma in Not only X but also Y” construction) but also during training periods. Sports players have to be extremely dedicated in to (The right preposition with dedicate is to.) reaching what they want their destination. (Wrong word combination. You can’t reach what you want. You can reach to your destination.) They set goals, time scopes and stick to them no matter what. They follow strict diet plans and have daily routines for exercising not only on weekdays but also on holidays (let us avoid using not only but also…. exercising during weekdays as well as on weekends.). Consequently, they usually have to avoid eating too much overeating fat or sugar and drinking alcohol. They may also miss parties or other social occasions. This requires tremendous willpower which is possible only with the right mental attitude. (Build context.)

4. Wrong punctuation – two independent clauses cannot be separated by a comma. They can either be separated by a semi-colon (;) or a period (.).

Another rather (Seems you’ve missed a few words. The idea is not clear.) mental ability is cooperation, which is essential in team sports. The team should always come first. It is more than just a group of bodily physically fit individuals; it is an organized community in which players rely on each other’s strengths to win a game., where mental factors are crucial. Selfish moves of certain members could ruin the common effortsThis requires a positive mindset. (= mental attitude) (You need to convey ideas more clearly and precisely.)

In conclusion, physical fitness is indispensable for sports achievements. However, I believe that mental attitudes are rather form the basis of successful sports carriers careers because proper inner qualities (which inner qualities? This is vague and unclear.) dedication, committment, willpower and cooperation are needed both during preparations and in contests too. (do not use too if you’ve used both.) In my opinion, (You’ve already said – In my opinion.there is no great performance without exceptional minds; (wrong semicolon. The WHO part depends on the former part. These are NOT independent clauses.) who have faith and confidence to remain devoted and the humbleness to learn from their own mistakes again and again.

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