Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Focus On Problems Than On Positive Developments.

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Answer:

Nowadays the news media are seen to be focused on limitations (whose limitations? Plus, ‘limitations’ is not a synonym for ‘problems’.) and emergency situations instead of positive facts while presenting news. (change to NEWS MEDIA. Since MEDIA is restricted through the word NEWS, you must use the news media.) While some people believe that this attitude of news presentations is harmful to a society and its members, I think it is beneficial for the development of a country and people. Negative news as it helps the government and people to become careful about their activities and stay safe emergency news assistances people to be safe. (1)

1. Note the if you link the two sentences using since/ as you can easily avoid a lot of repetition. You’ve used NEWS, PEOPLE in both sentences. Also, note that I have changed the structure of the last sentence – … it helps the government and people to – A and B. A = become careful. B = stay safe. I’ve followed the principle of parallelism. Both become and stay are verbs.

Media ensure the accountability of a government by bringing out their negative harmful (overuse of the word negativeactivities to the knowledge of general people through the news. (2) Sometimes news related to corruption causes the removal of the government. (Overuse of the word news. Consider using a PRONOUN to replace it. It plays an instrumental role in eliminating corruption in the system and sometimes even topples the government.) For example, Park Geun Hye, former president of South Korea, was impeached by the National Assembly in the year 2017 because of her corrupted activity corruption which was revealed by media and published through the news. (It is obvious that media includes news in this context. – 3) General people Thousands of citizens protested against (missing word – lexical resource issue.) the president and forced the assembly to impeach her. She was then sentenced 24 years prison in 2018 because of her activities. If only positive news of the government was published in the media news, (overuse of news) she would not be impeached and punished. (4)

2. Article mistake. The with news is incorrect. THE is used to make a noun specific (restrict its meaning). In your sentence, accountability is specific to the government. Therefore, the use of the is correct. But, news is not specific in this sentence.

3. Try using the active voice. Let us replace the PASSIVE voice (by the National Assembly; by media). The National Assembly of South Korea impeached its president PGH when the media reported various cases of corruption in which she was directly involved.

4. Let us try to avoid repetition of media and news. If only the positive activities of the government had been reported, she would never have been impeached and punished.

The news related to an emergency such typhoons, cloudbursts and earthquakes weather forecasts (weather forecast is not an emergency. It gives information about possible weather in the near future.) helps coastal area people be safe and secure secured. For instance, the fishermen in the sea always keep a radio with them to listen to the weather forecast so that they can be aware of any typhoons and cyclones. So, the news helps them to move to a safe location and take shelter in emergencies emergency situations. (This sentence is a repetition of the first sentence. Note that you’ve repeated news, emergency, safe. The idea is also the same. Let us change it. This broadcast (= radio) helps them to either not venture into the sea or return back to the shore before any adverse change in weather.) In addition, (Also/ Morever.) the people of coastal areas also can be prepared in advance to fight against the natural disasters through weather forecasts. (Try writing more concisely. Replace In addition with Also.)

In conclusion, I believe that media is helping people as well as society by reporting negative and emergency news.

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