Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Solve Environmental Problems.

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe to deal with them nationally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Answer:

Many people think that environmental issues ought to be solved worldwide. Others say it is better to handle them on a national scale. In my opinion, countries should work together to tackle these issues of environment efficiently.

The art of writing an excellent introduction involves writing SPECIFICALLY. Paraphrasing of the question statement is not enough. Do not assume that mere change of a few words will fetch higher bands. I’ve used the word ‘global scale’ below. Do not change the nouns given in the question. There are numerous other ways to show your LR.

Many people believe that global warming, vehicular pollution, and numerous other environmental issues demand action at a global scale since one country’s pollution impacts others. Others think that these issues should be tackled by every country independently as pollution is a local issue. I support the former view.

On the one hand, the thought of dealing with environmental problems globally seems to be more effective in practice. One obvious prominent (prominent is more suitable than obvious) example of this is, (wrong punctuation) the growing black hole in the ozone layer which has detrimental effects like global warming affecting worldwide (if warming is global, it is worldwide.). According to a survey report (wrong word – survey. Can you guess why?) by times the Times magazine, this issue was addressed in United Nations meeting and all the countries together, (wrong punctuation) came up with a solution to replace products releasing methane gases with less harmful products to help regain the original ozone layer. The solution strategy (word repetition – solutionwas then successfully implemented globally resulting ozone layer to recover after some years in a recovery of the ozone layer after a few years.

The arguments are well developed. There are a few grammatical issues. There is ample scope to improve LR.

On the other hand, there are some reasons (Of course there are. But you need to write them directly. On the other hand gives a sufficient signal that you’ve switched to the other side. This is redundant.) why other people think that the environmental problems should be addressed nationwide. On the other hand, it is impossible to address certain environmental issues at a global level. Firstly, different countries have their own priorities (1) of for the stages of development. For instance, China is currently busy in developing its industrial and infrastructure sector making it stronger. (developing = making it stronger. This is redundant.) (complete the idea of China. Inadequate explanation will reduce TR score.) This leads to massive pollution that only China should address and no other country should bear its cost. Whereas, India is more focused on major environmental issues such as air pollution and noise pollution. (WHY? Why should India tackle its issues independently? This is the paragraph’s context. TR score falls. Take either India or China and explain it completely.) Moreover, similar some same problems arise in different countries due to varied reasons. For example, Indonesia is facing land-degradation because of volcanic eruption while India is facing land-degradation due to deforestation. These local issues cannot be handled at a global level and demand efficient local administration. (missing context. Should these issues be handled locally?)

1. This is a TAUTOLOGICAL phrase. Priorities are always OWN. These are phrases that use the words with similar meaning twice. For instance – I personally, personal talent. This reduces the LR score.

Numerous issues with BP 2; Most important is inadequate TR. Develop your ideas properly.

In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions. I think that it would be more effective if environmental issues are dealt with globally. Since most of these problems have global ramifications, they need financial, political, legal, and bureaucratic cooperation. (write specifically – mentioned in the introduction as well. These are IMPLICIT examples of cooperation that make your answer stronger.)

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