All parents want the best opportunity for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
Nowadays, every parent
tries (1) wishes the best of everything for their children. While , (wrong punctuation) (2) many people hold the view that skills such as communication, co-operation, teamwork are (unnecessary verb) ought to be taught in a school . Others , others say teaching a variety of subjects is more beneficial for a the children’s future. (wrong determiner. “A” is singular while “children” is plural.) I agree with the former opinion.
1. You’ve used two verbs together. There must be only ONE. One verb is unnecessary.
2. The correct construction is “While X, Y”. There is no comma with while.
There are numerous grammar mistakes in the introduction.
On the one hand, in today’s modern and developed world,
education has applied new technologies and methods (3) to help students grow up in the right way. Now schools from primary to universities are focused on educating imparting skills. (wrong word choice: You can’t educate skills. You can educate people.) The reason behind this is that skills has have now become the most significant part of a student’s life. (Your IDEA statement is on technologies and methods. However, there is no EXPLANATION of this point. The idea is poorly developed.) (4) For instance, communication skill, when students are taught this communication skills they feel confident when while (avoid word repetition – when) talking to a stranger. This skill is extremely helpful during employment in future as companies prefer oral communication such as group discussion or interviews over knowledge of history, geography and mathematics. written test to check the ability of a student. (Wrong comparison. You’ve compared two skills – oral and written communication. The question demands a comparison between skills and all subjects. Task Response score suffers.)
3. Every idea should be clear. It is not clear how education applies new technologies. This seems logically incorrect.
4. Let us develop the idea clearly. On the one hand, in today’s modern world, schools are imparting crucial skills that help students secure a good job. Their focus is on making students proficient in one domain so that they can compete with other students. Skills such as computer languages and construction trades play an important role in earning a respectable livelihood.
On the other hand, most subjects are still necessary
for students, which (5) help them since they help students (use they to refer back to subjects.) learn the basic knowledge such as (such as is used to give NOUNS as examples. If you want to write a complete sentence as an example, prefer for example.) For example, math mathematics teaches how to calculate numbers which are then required in daily life, history subject teaches them (avoid word repetition – history) history about the past of a country and the culture of different regions. Therefore, students will know which subjects they are interested in and want to study to assist in their the future. (This sentence can be better written as: This enables the students to gain exposure to different domains of life and make an informed choice about the right career choice.)
5. Two issues: A. WHICH should be placed next to the NOUN it modifies. Here, it should be placed next to most subjects. B. The right connecting device in this sentence is SINCE, not WHICH.
In conclusion, both skills and subjects are necessary for students to support their life and occupation in the future. I think that a school needs to emphasize on spending more time on teaching skills.
There are numerous grammar and sentence structuring issues. Task response is weak due to inadequate explanation of ideas.
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