Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: News And Media Affecting Life In A Positive Way.

Some people think that news and media are affecting our lives in a positive way while others disagree. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Many people hold the opinion that news and media are creating a positive effect on society while others disagree. (You’ve almost copied the question statement. 1) I believe that media it (let us avoid repeating media) is affecting our lives adversely by spreading negativity, showing biased opinion and shifting our focus away from real issues.

1. Here are a few tips on Re-writing the question statement. There are TWO groups – Some agree, others disagree. Let us not take sides in the opening statement. Write it in a neutral fashion. Now, think about MEDIA. What does it include? It includes print, television, internet, social media, radio, etc. Let us write then: Media such as news channels, radio, and television are impacting our lives in numerous ways (neutral – no mention whether NUMEROUS is positive or negative.).

Firstly, news and media nowadays are is more (2) interested (inclined) to show in showing the negative news events (repetition of the word “news”.) which is shaping shape our thoughts to generate a false opinion about the world. Although many good deeds such as charity work, and distribution of free food, (wrong punctuation marks) are happening in our world environment (avoid word repetition – world) but , (Correct construction is Although X, Y. Do not use but with although.) these events are rarely covered by any News Channel or newspaper rarely covers it. (prefer the active voice over the passive one.) This leaves an impression on a layman that humans are doing more harm than good to the society. For example, a man from Noida, India, has committed a murder for just 200 Rupees which was published as a headline of Hindustan times (Passive voice + wrong use of whichwhereas there is another man who has donated his 20 years of saving to charity but that is hardly covered by (passive voice) any news publications hardly covers it.

(Your example is long. Let us break it into two sentences.) For example, The Hindustan Times recently published that a man had murdered his sister for just 200 rupees. However, the publication failed to report that my uncle had devoted more than 20 years of his life for poor children.

2. Note that MORE is a comparative device. It needs a comparison with another thing. He is more intelligent than his brother. It is used as “more X than Y”. Secondly, let us avoid using PASSIVE voice (is more interested). It is completely avoidable. Finally, let us use Simple Present Tense only (not present continuous). Firstly, the media shows (simple present) more negative events and accidents than the positive ones and this shapes (simple present) our thoughts in a destructive manner.

Secondly, media is taking takes commission under the table (3) and showing shows biased opinion which distracts (subject = biased opinion = singular. Use a singular verb – distracts) common man from taking the right decision at the time of elections. Politicians offer huge bribe to various news channels to so that they do not state anything negative about their party. There is a real case that came out in public (Redundant. There words are avoidable) (4) recently where an independent group of journalists , named “dig deep” has performed a sting operation on a various news channels by offering money in return of favor and their its report says that 9 out of 10 companies agreed.

3. Let us avoid the Present Continuous Tense. It is used when something is happening at this moment. When something is true in general, prefer the Simple Present Tense. Also, under the table is not clear. These will impact the GR and LR scores. Secondly, the media engages in the illegal and unethical practice of accepting commission from political parties to change public opinion before elections.

4. Restructure: Recently, Dig Deep, an independent group of journalists, performed a sting….

To conclude, news and media are believed to be beneficial for some people but I think that due to their unethical approach people are unable to see the reality and, thus, they lose the ability to choose correctly.

There are numerous grammatical, lexical resource issues in this essay. Though the ideas and examples are good, lack of proper sentence structuring impacts clear communication of ideas.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.