Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Prefer Food Produced By Local Farmers.

Nowadays food travels thousands of miles before reaching consumers. It affects the agriculture and economy of the destination country, and for this reason, people should prefer food produced by local farmers. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your experience.

Answer:

These days foods such as fruits, vegetables, rice are imported and exported to other countries. Some people argue that as I believe that since imported agricultural foods adversely affect the economy and agriculture of a country, local people people should avoid foreign these (use a referencing device to refer to imported agricultural foodsfoods and consume internally locally (Avoid local earlier and use here.) produced one. I agree with the argument. (You can integrate the last sentence in the second sentence.)

Imported items caused the expenditure of reduce (1) foreign currency reserves of a country which negatively affects the economy of a country (There is no need of writing of a country” twice. Avoid repetition.). Consumption of domestic food will keep the currency in the country which prevent this (referencing device to avoid repeating currency and country.) and the money thus (connecting device) saved can be used to spend for most important spent on (used to spend is wordy. Be concise.) sectors such as education, technology, roads, etcetera (a comma before etcetera.). Development of these sectors will improve the economic condition of the country. (You’ve repeated the word country several times.) For example, the Bangladesh government has planned to spend about 25 million dollars to import rice and wheat in the budget of the 2018-2019 economic financial year. If people are not interested to consume imported rice and wheat consume locally grown food grains, (lost task response. You need to compare with domestic consumption) this money would be saved and could be spent for other purposes.

1. The more the wordier the sentence, the lesser you will score in LR. Write concisely to express the same idea.

The above paragraph scores low on grammatical resources and lexical resources. To improve score in the latter, do not repeat words and write more concisely.

Moreover, the price of imported goods is sometimes less as compared to (complete construction is “X as compared to Y”) locally produced ones because of higher labor cost and price of agricultural items. (2) Reduced price force This forces (use a referencing device to reduce word repetition and improve cohesion) the local farmers (which farmers?) to reduce the price (word repetition – price) of their goods which make their life difficult to lead. As a result, sometimes they quite quit farming and get involved in any other another job. For example, the price of imported the rice exported from Thailand to South Korea is almost half that (avoid word repetition – priceof the price of locally produced rice which has (maintain Present Tense) forced many farmers to stop producing rice abandon Paddy cultivation and encouraged them to cultivate other items. This caused a crisis in rice in South Korea in the year of 2014 and government had to import more as compared to the previous year. 

2. The IDEA is not clear. If an idea or explanation is vague, you will lose score in both TR and LR. Whose prices are higher – domestic or international? What do you mean by price of agricultural items in this context? because of lower labor cost in some countries.

In conclusion, imported agricultural food items hamper (imported food hampers) both the agriculture and economy of a country. So, people should try to boycott foreign food and increase the consumption of locally grown fresh food.

Though you’ve made a good attempt in developing arguments, you’ve made numerous word repetitions. Also, you need to use cohesive devices and referencing devices to improve cohesion and reduce word-repetitions. There are several grammatical issues as well.

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