Many people believe the government should spend money on faster public transport. Others think that money should be spent on different aspects of public transportation, such as cost reduction and environmental conservation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
A portion of
the community (1) supports the idea of increasing the budget to find establish/ build/ construct a faster public transportation system, while the other portion believes that other areas have the priority, such as cheaper fees and more environment-friendly transport methods should have greater priority. (let us remove the repetition of other. Also, there is no need of such as. You should directly jump to the specific points without using other areas and such as.) In my opinion, the later latter argument is of greater importance at the current moment.
1. The determiner THE is used to refer to something specific. The community should refer to a specific community. But there is no such mention.
On the one hand, having a faster transportation method is always preferable for people
getting going/ traveling to work or school on a daily bases. So, (need a comma here) shortening the trip’s duration will encourage those people them to use the public system more frequently. (more what?) And that This will not only decrease traffic , (no comma in not only X but also Y.) but also increase profit from such a system (redundant. When you’ve written this/ that at the beginning of the sentence, there is no need to write such as system. They refer to the same thing.) which can be used later to further (2) improve it.
2. The infinitive form of a verb should not be split by any word. Infinitive = to + verb. Do not put any word in this combination. Incorrect = to further improve it. Correct = to improve it further.
On the other hand, decreasing the cost of public transport will make it the primary choice for all
the citizens. In New York City, for example, (3) it is much cheaper to use your own (4) car to get to work than using the metro, which will require (wrong tense. The action is in present) requires you most of the time to buy buying multiple tickets to reach your destination, (Note that I’ve comfortably avoided using the pronoun you/ your.) (Write concisely.) that . That is why many people there still use their cars to commute although they have a well established underground system.
3. Interruptors are words that are not a part of the main sentence. These words disrupt the flow of a sentence to convey an important information. They should always be placed within commas. I, however, decided to stay at home.
4. Tautological phrases are those in which two or more words convey the same meaning. This reduces your lexical resource score. Example: I personally; personal talent; my own.
One other Another (write concisely) important matter is green-transport, which is a term used to describe a transporting refers to a transportation (write concisely) system that inflects inflicts less damage on to the environment. Our planet is in danger currently (5) from all the pollution that is released daily (Make a better choice of words – 5) by us, s . S o, it is our responsibility as communities and governments to preserve the planet. Using electricity instead of petrol is one of the ways that can make our transportation system greener. (Lost context. I can’t see public transport. Your focus should be “how does public transport make the environment safer as compared to private transport”. Do not focus on fuels.) So, it is the responsibility of both governments and individuals to prefer buses and metro trains instead of private vehicles.
5. Some words set a background for the sentence. They set the context. Use them at the beginning of the sentence. Here, that word is currently. Also, use better words. Corrently, our planet faces extinction from the pollution emitted by humans.
In conclusion, although it is important to work on a faster public transport system, I believe, that other aspects
are more important today to work on and provide money for, such as: cheaper transport and environment friendly commute. (Do not repeat important. Also, you need to link such as with other aspects. You’ve used the same words as used in the introduction. Avoid that.) …. that other aspects such as the cost of travel and eco-friendliness are crucial.
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