Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Spend Money On Faster Public Transportation – 1.

Many people believe the government should spend money on faster public transport. Others think that money should be spent on different aspects of public transportation, such as cost reduction and environmental conservation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

An urban (metropolitan = urban) efficient public transport system (TR – the question is about public transport) is essential for people living in a metropolitan region. There is an ongoing debate about whether to invest in making it faster means of commute (the question is about public transport. Let us use it to refer to public transport in the previous sentence.) or to make it cheaper and eco-friendly. I tend to (redundant words) agree with the latter argument because this approach will help save money and improve health.

Though there is a task response issue, the introduction is well structured. You’ve also mentioned the reasons supporting your viewpoint. Good job!

With a high-speed transportation system, people will reach their destinations consuming in less time. Consequently, there will be spare time at the end of the day which could be utilized positively such as for playing sports, doing community work, and gathering involving talking to friends and family. (1) The result of this will be a happy and healthy community. In contrast, low-speed buses and tramps trams force people to leave early for work or to and reach on their destination late, in addition to spending extended time on them. (2) The result of this will be mental and physical exhaustion, which will affect negatively the quality of life. (3)

1. Violation of the Rules of Parallelism: The first words of X, Y and Z in “X, Y and Z” need to be parallel. That is, if one is verb, others should also be verbs. Playing, doing and talking are verbs.

2. Use any one phrase to set the background for the sentence. Either use in contrast‘ or in addition ….. on them’. In addition to spending excess time on transport, low speed buses ……

3. PLACEMENT OF ADVERB: An adverb is never placed between a verb (affect) and its direct object (quality of life). Its most appropriate place is before the verb. Another possibility is after the object. negatively affect the quality of life; affect the quality of life negatively. 

You’ve made a good attempt in developing arguments. However, there are a few grammar mistakes that you must avoid to achieve the desired score.

Turning to another the other side of the argument, an affordable and environmentally friendly means of transport can benefit financially and improve the local climate. This is because (4) living in an urban area is expensive. Therefore (4) a cheap way to move around will end up in savings in long-term. Furthermore, taking steps which will result in less harmful effects on the environment, such as using renewable energy to power buses and trains, will not add toxic wastes in air, soil, and water, hence improving the health of locals. (Wrong use of connectors – Place such as next to the word it exemplifies – steps. There is no need of which. – 5. Plus, write one sentence as an idea statement and explain in the next sentence.)

4. Overuse of cohesive devices will negatively impact your score. Do not try to squeeze such devices where none is required. Let me connect the two sentences without overuse of a cohesive device. The second sentence in a paragraph is an explanation of the opening (IDEA) sentence. Hence, it does not need a cohesive device. You’ve made the same mistake in the BP 1 (Consequently). Since living in an urban area is expensive, a cheap way to move around will prevent an unnecessary erosion of savings.

5. Furthermore, taking steps, such as ……., will reduce the harmful effects of human transport on the environment. This will prevent the emission of toxic and green-house gases such as carbon monoxide which are released by vehicles. Eventually, this will improve the health of the local population.

In conclusion, although high-speed public transport system will free up a lot of time, I believe that alternatives that are cheaper and less harmful to the environment alternatives should be funded by the government as this will cut the cost of living in cities as well as decrease pollution of the area.

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