Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Too Much Time Spent On Learning Facts.

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

There is no doubt to say that (write concisely) Undoubtedly, practical knowledge is as important as theoretical know-how. (theoretical what? – 1) Many people I believe that more time is devoted on learning facts than on hands-on experience at all stages of education from primary schools to tertiary. I completely agree with the above statement as theoretical knowledge is more emphasized than learning practical skills in schools. (This sentence is the same as the previous one. This counts as a repetition. It will be better if you MENTION the reasons that you plan to elaborate in the body paragraphs.) This is primarily due to over-reliance on the traditional way of learning and absence of practical classes.

1. Theoretical is an adjective. It needs a noun to exist. Alternately, you can use theory, a noun.: practical knowledge is as important as theory.

Generally, Most of the schools follow the traditional way of teaching where the students are more focused focus more (active voice) on learning, reading and writing about various subjects and they (2) forget all the concepts when it is the actual time to apply. For example, Engineers who have gained degrees in electronics does do not even know how to change a bulb when required. Similarly, many MBA degree holders does do not know how to fill the a basic tax form and they have to hire CA’s for the same. A recent study stated that students who were shown saw (use active voice) experiments were able to memorize information for a longer period of time (3) than those who read it.

2. No need of pronoun they if you use the active voice. Parallelism – focus and forget are verbs. … students focus …. and forget ….. 

3. A tautological phrase is one in which two or more words convey the same meaning. In Period of time, period means time. Thus, you’ve repeated time twice. This reduces the LR score.

Moreover, it cannot be denied that (write concisely) undeniably, the current curriculum of schools does not have an equal number of theory and practical sessions. To illustrate with an example For example, (write concisely) during school, while I had 5 theory lectures every week on computer science subject like computers, there used to be only 1 practical class during a whole week. Due to this improper division, I could not practice everything being taught and lacked with proper understanding of concepts. If we had an equal proportion of theory and practical classes, I would have gained better knowledge and confidence. 

To recapitulate, I agree with the argument that more time is spent on cramming the information rather (4) than emphasizing on experimenting it practically which stops students from acquiring marketable and professional skills to acquire better skills. (be specific in your communication. What do you mean by better skills?)

4. Note the constructions: more X than Y; X rather than Y. Do not mix the two.

Though you’ve made a commendable effort in developing arguments (TR), there are a few sentence structuring issues. You need to write concisely and improve on a few grammatical issues.

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