Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Plan Detailed Activities for Leisure Time – 3.

Some people think that activities done in a person’s free time should be planned, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some of us like to be spontaneous in doing free-time activities filling their free time with things to do, (write concisely without losing meaning) while the rest believe it is better to organize and plan them in advance these activities before doing them. (Write concisely. Remember: Less is More.) I agree with the latter opinion.

IMPORTANT NOTE: When you write concisely, the examiner notices that you have superior sentence structuring skills and have adequate lexical resources. It increases the score in GR and LR.

Here is an important tip for the introduction: Try MENTIONING the reasons that you plan to elaborate in the body paragraphs.

Some people prefer doing spontaneous activities during free time to rejuvenate and break the monotony. Others believe in planning these activities as they maximize enjoyment. I think the organization of leisure time is crucial.

On the one hand, doing fun things without preparing for them first, such as: (1) trips, gatherings, and sports activities, will add a lot to the excitement gained from them.  In the same way, (2) for example, having a surprise birthday party is always more fun than having a pre-planned one. (Need to elaborate on this point to score well in TR. OR, raise another point to support this viewpoint.) Moreover, this helps in rejuvenating after strenuous hours of work. If leisure activities are planned in the same way as work is, it will not help a person break monotony. When a person is tired, he needs to do activities that refresh him and these cannot be pre-planned.

1. Two issues: place such as next to the word it modifies (fun things) and do not use a colon with such as. …. doing fun things, such as ….. , without preparing for them will add …

2. Do not write words that do not serve any purpose. There is no sense in writing “in the same way”. Writing these REDUNDANT words will impact the LR score.

On the other hand, I think that having a clear plan for what to do in during holidays, weekends and non-working hours has larger benefits. Firstly First of all, by organizing an activity or a trip, (Oops! – 3) money needed will be carefully calculated to avoid thinking about it which will maximize the enjoyment.  Secondly, preparing for an activity this/ it (use a referencing device to refer to organizing an activity or trip) will give time to buy or borrow equipments equipment (plural of equipment is equipment.needed for such activity. So, For example, hiking adventures need ropes, tents, etc, while fishing trips need a different set of tools, like nets and life jackets.

3. Using modifiers (by organizing an activity or a trip) is not an easy task. You have to think about the noun that it modifies (gives information about). Can MONEY organize an activity? No. People can. Let us restructure: Firstly, by organizing an activity or a trip, people can calculate the money that will be needed for the task ….

In conclusion, some people choose to plan how they will pass their free time, while others do not. I think that organizing helps us utilize that time more efficiently.

While BP 1 is incomplete, BP 2 is adequately developed. You should add a sentence to the introduction to MENTION the reasons supporting each viewpoint.

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