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IELTS Essay Correction: Artificial Intelligence Will Have Positive Impact.

Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A few people hope that the development of artificial intelligence will play a positive role in years to come (1) influence on our lifestyle while others are not ready to accept machines being smarter than humans. (2) I understand both these points of view (Of course, you do. But you need not write this. Just give your OPINION) and although technology (3) is very fascinating, there are negative aspects to it as well.

1. WILL = future = years to come. Either be specific about years to come (as the question mentions – in the near future), or avoid it. INFLUENCE is a better word than ROLE.

2. Loss of task response. Read the question carefully. It is about THREAT from Artificial Intelligence (we are NOT prepared …..)

3. TECHNOLOGY is not a perfect synonym for AI. This will reduce the LR score. Let me restructure your introduction and use PRONOUNS (it) instead of using imperfect synonyms. A few people believe that the development of artificial intelligence will play a vital role in the progress of human civilization, others think that it poses a significant threat. I support the view that we need to stay cautious while using it.

Note the WORDS I’ve used. Use such simple, yet appropriate and impactful words to improve your LR score.

The improvement of technology has resulted in machines being able to perform jobs much better than humans. A machine They (4) can do the same job as done by multiple people, with high level of accuracy. Large calculations can now be done with the help of a computer machine. (Avoid word repetition – machineFor example, in the FMCG industry, big smart and fast (5) packaging machines have now replaced the human staff hired to pack items manufactured by companies (of course, they are. No need to state this.). The packaging is done identically, removing any human errors error (any = singular) that might have occurred in the past. The evolution of artificial intelligence has clearly elevated the quality of life and results have been achieved with quick turn-around time.

4. Avoid word repetitions and use a pronoun to refer back to machines.

5. Some words fetch lower bands than others because they are vague in nature. What is the meaning of big machines? It is not as clear and as specific as ‘smart and fast machines’.

The above paragraph has weak coherence (clear flow of ideas). The third sentence ‘large calculations’ has nothing to do with the next sentence (FMCG). Coherence demands that each sentence should be logically connected to the next. Also, I can’t see a connection between the last sentence as the penultimate one.

On the other hand, I share the same idea agree with the people who think artificial intelligence can be harmful to the human race. There are many disadvantages of solely trusting technology. (this sentence conveys the same idea as the previous sentence. This will count as a repetition.) The rate of unemployment might will (let us write with certainty) increase all around the world when machines replace humans jobs of people. (6) For example, driverless cars (give a name) are being tested at the moment and there has been an accident (where? how? – be specific) reported which tells us that machines cannot be trusted. (7) (Loss of COHERENCE. Same as in Body Paragraph 1. How is this accident related to unemployment? Logical flow of ideas from one sentence to another is important.) If artificial intelligence takes over the world, people might lose their purpose in life as their there will be no chance of employment. There is always be a fear of machines taking over the world and putting an end to the human race. (Loss of COHERENCE, again. What is the connection between employment and machines taking over the world? Put them as separate ideas and explain each individually.)

6. Compare APPLES with APPLES. Machines can’t replace JOBS. They can replace HUMANS/ employees.

7. Examples are always more specific than idea sentences. You need to sprinkle a few nouns to make them seem genuine. Let me re-write this example: For instance, recently, a Tesla driverless car met with a serious accident with a truck in New York while a human was sleeping inside the vehicle. This incident has raised serious questions about the application of this technology.

In conclusion, although artificial intelligence is needed and helps improve our lives, too much of it and trusting it completely (8) might be the biggest mistake man will make makes.

8. Always maintain PARALLELISM around AND. “A and B” – the first words of A and B should belong to the same family. Here, the first word of A is an adverb (too) and that of B is a verb (trusting). This is incorrect. Read my article on RULES of PARALLELISM.

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