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IELTS Essay Correction: Companies Use Advertisements To Increase Sales.

Most successful companies use advertisements for increasing sales. What makes the advertisements effective? Is this a good thing or bad thing for society?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays all the reputed companies are using advertisements to increase their sales (business/ revenue) productivity. (1) In my opinion, (2) it is the better option (better than what?) (3) to raise their sales and to increase their reputation in an easy way.

1. Wrong word choice. I strongly recommend not changing the NOUNS in the question statement. Productivity is a wrong synonym for sales. This will reduce the lexical resource score.

2. There are certain words (phrases) that set the stage for the sentence. These are not a part of the main sentence. They must be separated from the main sentence through a comma.  

3. Words such as more, larger, smaller, better compare two things. Prefer using than with them.

Note: An introduction is meant to MENTION the things you wish to discuss in body paragraphs. You should MENTION why are advertisements effective and MENTION whether they are good or bad. Then EXPLAIN these points in the body paragraphs.

We all are looking (you will get LR bands for using the most appropriate words. We never LOOK at advertisements. We WATCH them.) not only branded companies but also most of the small scale industries (Wrong word choice. An industry comprises of all companies producing the same type of goods. For example, the computer industry includes Microsoft, Apple, IBM, Dell, etc.) following this technique. (4) (5) It is very useful beneficial to for all type of people. (6) that mean in our country there are 30 to 40 percent people in my country are uneducated and by doing these varieties of advertisements is helpful to our society and every individual can to understand about that a product. (THAT demands a mention of product earlier in the paragraph. But there is no such mention.) (7) Not only that Even people who are well educated but most products don’t do not know how to use most products and how much quantity have to mix by this all type of communities can able to know the usage of products. (which quantity? Which commodities? Poor structure and poor coherence. – 8) 

4. Here is an important tip. Start the first sentence with the theme that you plan to discuss in the entire body paragraph. What is this paragraph (and essay) about? Advertisements. Place ‘this technique’ at the head of the sentence. This technique enables customers to watch and understand the products of not only large companies but also small-scale units. Watch my construction carefully. Everything that is common to large companies and small-scale units is kept before “not only but also” construction. 

5. You must elaborate an idea before moving to the next one. EXPLAIN how advertisements give equal exposure to all companies. They offer an opportunity to all companies to show their products to a local or global audience and, hence, increase competition.

6. Understand where exactly one sentence should end and the next begins. Every sentence has ONE purpose. Once that purpose is complete, you should close it. EXPLAIN the type of people in the next sentence.

7. Understand the link between different parts of a sentence. This is a cause and effect sentence. Let us use SINCE to connect the two parts. (Since X, Y). Since more than 40 percent of Indians are uneducated, these advertisements help them understand products and make informed choices.

8 NOTE that IELTS people love sentences that are specific (not vague) and have a clear connection with the previous sentences. In this sentence, (note that in this sentence is a phrase that sets the stage for the sentence. It is separated from the main sentence using a comma. Refer point number 2.) a reader has no idea about what you mean by quantity, commodities, etc. This will reduce your score in GR, LR, CC, and TR. 

However, (10) giving adds (do not use short forms. Write formal English) advertisements is important to popularise that (9) an item but on the same way (I don’t know what this means.) that (9) product quality and cost also matter. If the quality is not up to the mark by , giving effective advertising is also no of is of use. (The correct construction is “IF X, Y.” Comma is important.) For example, (2 – sets the stage) take mobile phones advertisement number of variety (whose variety? Variety is uncountable. Number is countable. You cannot connect the two.) are there but people are interested to buy a brand mobile only. (11) Meanwhile, our government also have has (subject = singular) to take care about of these type of advertisements because there are some real and some fake things that are happening. For example, (need comma – 2) some of the a few builders are promoting their flats or building and the people are not knowing the truth about that before investing money on that.

9. Here, THAT is a referencing device. It needs a MENTION of an item earlier to make proper reference. Otherwise, you will lose LR and CC bands.

10. To use however, you need a contrast with the previous sentence. I can’t see a contrast here. If you want to compare two things in the same sentence, there are comparative devices such as while, although, though. Although giving advertisements is important to popularise a product, the product quality and cost are equally important.

11. Poorly constructed sentence and the example does not match the idea (loss of coherence). Your idea is that QUALITY is important. For example, while there are numerous advertisements for different mobile phone brands in India, the quality of most is questionable and they lose business soon after initial sales.

There are many serious sentence structuring issues in your essay. I think this is your greatest weakness. You should exert an extra focus on this issue.

By taking overall, To summarise, advertisements are best to the society and some are bad while some advertisements are beneficial for the society, others are not. but However, the every individual have has to be aware of each and everything happening in the society.

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