Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Online Courses Vs Classroom.

Some prefer online courses to study and think they are better. Others prefer classroom education. Discuss both views and share your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Although it is thought (WHILE is better here. Avoid passive voice.) While some people think that online courses are better to study, other people others favor classroom education. In my opinion, considering its ability to prepare individuals for work life professional success and some other benefits, classroom education is way far better than online courses.

On the one hand, online study is cheaper than classroom coaching. and convenient. (Let us first raise the idea of financial savings first.) Firstly, (You’ve already begun with the first point in the previous sentence. This is an explanation of that sentence. Unnecessary or wrong cohesive devices will reduce the CC score.) the fee of online courses is very less as compared to classroom ones. Moreover, people taking online these courses do not need to relocate, which saves them a considerable amount of money they would otherwise spend on allowance and transportation. (First idea explained through three sentences.)

Secondly, online courses these courses are convenient since are video sessions that one can attend video sessions at his time convenience. Furthermore, These lecture’s videos can be re-played, paused, stopped and later continued as per the learner’s circumstances, which provides learners with great flexibility. (the second idea explained through two sentences.) Note that I’ve struck off Furthermore. It gives the impression that this is a new idea (third idea). This cohesive device is unnecessary and misleading.

The paragraph’s structure (organization of content) was not clear. Note the changes I’ve made.

On the second other hand, many think that classroom education is the way to go. To begin, (unnecessary cohesive device) the atmosphere of the class promotes motivation among to learners. When a student sees the pace at which others are learning, he gets motivated the zeal and energy to catch up with them. (The correct construction is When X, Y.) Also, it is in the classroom where students develop their communication skills by interacting with each other in a classroom. Discussing personal and educational issues with classmates plays a vital role in developing this skill. Finally, the interaction and teamwork between students and teamwork (wrong placement. LR issue.) in a classroom which classroom courses offer form a near real work environment that most student will go through later in their professional life. This makes classroom these courses vital to prepare students for life after study.

Though you’ve made a nice attempt in developing arguments, there is ample scope in developing paragraph structuring and avoiding overuse of cohesive devices.

To conclude, despite people having different views (logically wrong comparison – 1), I think that classroom courses have superiority over online ones due to the advantageous contribution they provide by building an individual’s essential career skills.

1. Despite is used to compare two different ideas. Here, one idea is classroom courses and the other is related to online ones. Use DESPITE to compare them. To conclude, despite the various benefits of online courses, I think that classroom courses ……….

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