Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Gifts And Presents To Show Care – 1.

Some people believe it is important to give gifts and presents to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show affection to them. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Click HERE to read the model answer of the essay.

Answer:

A healthy relationship with family and friends is essential for a harmonious life. Some people think that giving gifts can strengthen the bond while others spending time and giving respect support the idea of alternatives to it (mention the alternatives in the introduction.). In my opinion, care and respect should be prioritized over materialistic items.

Giving gifts a gift (pronoun = singular. Use a singular subject.) is important because it shows our affection towards others to family and friends. This is because these things are (1) It is tangible which persistently reminds (Reminds is correct only if your subject is singular. In your sentence, the subject is plural.) them that there is someone who loves them. For example, many people give ornaments and expensive items on occasion like marriage or birthday, to show that how they are important and loved. (How does this example support the previous sentence ‘persistently reminds‘. Also, the pronoun “they” does not have a noun to refer back to. For example, many Indian mothers give gold ornaments to their daughters on marriage. Even after several decades after marriage, women preserve these gifts (= reminds) as a symbol of their mother’s love.)

1. No need of using a connecting device when you shift from IDEA sentence to EXPLANATION of that idea. Also, there is a disagreement between subject and pronoun. You’ve again used a PLURAL (these things), whereas you had used a singular pronoun in the previous sentence.

On the other hand, there are various ways of bonding without gifts, like e (need to put a period here and begin a new sentence.) . Emotional support and care, which can also deepen the relations between friends and family. For example, taking good care of parents and acknowledging their opinion proves how much they are loved and respected. Similarly, (Need a comma after an introductory phrase/ word) spending quality time with friends and family can deepen the affection among with them.

In my opinion, caring and respecting our closed ones (wrong word choice) loved ones is imperative (NO! – 2) more important than presenting gifts. The reason for this is that (redundant words. Write concisely.) since the relations built on these principles are stronger and meaningful. However, it does not mean that practice of giving gifts should be abolished completely as some moments in life require a physical object as a presentation of our appreciation, such as weddings and birthdays, where attendance without it can fuel opposite feelings which can be detrimental for the relationship(This is too long. Take a break. Put a period.) Occassions such as weddings and birthdays require giving a gift as appearing without it can damage social relations.

2. Wrong word use. IMPERATIVE can’t be used to develop a comparison. It means EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. You can’t use THAN with it.

In conclusion, although gift should be given on important occasions, the alternative ways of showing affection is are more meaningful and should be practiced more.

There are numerous issues with this essay. Grammatically – sentence structure is poor at a few places; there are subject-verb disagreements and subject-pronoun disagreements. There are a few lexical resource issues due to wrong use of a few words.

Donate Used IELTS Books

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

3 replies »

  1. Hello sir,

    Your all essays are very important. And through these I have improved a lot of myself.

    I would be delighted if you could write a full essay on this same topic.

    Thanks in advance.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.