Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Manufacturers​ And Supermarkets Reduce Amount Of Packaging Of Goods.

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. While others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Most companies today give a lot of importance to packaging as this it makes their products look more attractive. While some people think large companies and businesses need to cut down on its use in packaging of goods, others think believe (avoid word repetition – thinkthey (it is not clear which noun does they refer to? Avoid they.) should avoid purchasing packed merchandises (… others prefer not purchasing packed merchandise.). In my opinion, packaging is only can be reduced if the demand for it reduces. (The sentence can be more clearly structured: In my opinion, it can only be avoided if its demand reduces.)

Large corporations use packaging to cover up the a (you’re not talking about a specific product) product’s flaws and to attract customers’ attention. (These are two different things. A and B.) The materials used for packing are mostly paper and plastic. Cutting down trees can cause global warming and the effects of using plastic is are well-known. (Read the previous three sentences. There is no logical flow from one to the next. What is the link between paper and plastic and cutting down of trees? Establish this link clearly. Similarly, the opening sentence about covering and product’s flaws has no link with paper and plastic. Let me establish a clear link in all sentences – 1) For example, I recently bought a perfume from the a duty-free shop and it had almost three layers of packaging which was unnecessary. I then found that the lid wouldn’t close properly, which made me regret buying the product. (2)

1. Large corporations often use multiple layers of plastic and paper to make their products attractive. The overuse of paper directly impacts the environment since most of it is produced by cutting down forests. Also, the plastic used in these products is irresponsibly disposed and it causes significant pollution to the local environment.

2. Please note that your answer wavers from hiding flaws to environment and moves back to hiding flaws. This shows lack of logical flow of ideas and impacts the coherence score.

You’ve mentioned the reasons why companies use packaging. However, the question is “Is it companies’ responsibility to cut plastic usage?” I can’t see that. Loss of TR.

Many people think twice before buying heavily packed goods especially food as plastic storage can cause adverse effects on the human body. Packed products It (Use a pronoun to refer back to plastic storage.) might breed bacteria that triggers diarrhea. For example, my colleague fell ill and her illness was caused by the consumption of after consuming freshly cut fruits that was were packed. My experience with these goods was when I found a worm in the Milo (a local chocolate drink) packetSimilarly, I recently discovered a worm in a famous local chocolate drink’s packet. (The example can be better structured.)

To conclude, packaging is something that shouldn’t be encouraged as it has a negative impact on the environment. A few products If a product needs to be packed, an environmentally friendly material can be used. Only of if customers reduce buying goods with a lot of packaging, companies will change their marketing strategy.

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