Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Prevention Is Better Than Cure – 1.

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating disease is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Many people argue that preventing a health issue is a wiser decision than curing it. I believe it to be true because wrong marketing and lack of commitment do does not let a person get rid of any disease completely.

Prohibiting (Wrong word choice. Prohibit is more legal in nature. Prevent is more medical. You can’t prohibit health issues.) Preventing health issues is quite easy as it does not involve the highest amount of commitment which is required to cure it. (Missing connector – which. In absence of this connector, an examiner is likely to misunderstand your sentence.) Once we are diagnosed with any a disease, a doctor proscribes us from eating many delicious food items. Following his guidelines daily for longer a long period of time is the utmost difficult task. We are bound inclined (bound = when someone compels you. Inclined = you tend to do it. Use the most appropriate word.) to break it once in a while. A recent study in Athens college reveals that only 30 percent people are able to cure any disease completely, rest all keeps while the rest delaying ignore medical advice and keep suffering from it by ignoring doctors proscription. (Sentence structuring and lexical resource problems.) Thus, treating a disease thoroughly is damn costly in terms of efforts and self-control it demands.

Even if one is capable of investing the above efforts, wrong marketing does not let a person follow the correct path. There are a plethora of misguiding advertisements everywhere which are attracting attract people on the basis of by (choose the less wordier option) packaging and endorsements, and hiding hide the harmful ingredients. A suitable example of this is the Patanjali’s toothpaste. It contains harmful chemical “fluoride” which is declared unfit for consumption by the WHO but . However, still people are buying purchase (use the simple present tense.) it looking at due to its ayurvedic name and seeing its main marketer, Baba Ramdev endorsing it. (1) Similarly, Olay cosmetic brand conducts many false researches to portray the effectiveness of their product. By showing the positive result(need a comma after the introductory clause) they hide the long term drawbacks of their products.

1. You’ve used the present continuous tense at a few places. Prefer the simple present tense. The former is used when something is going on RIGHT NOW. The latter is used when something goes on in near past, present and near future. Also, you can structure this sentence better.

To recapitulate, I think that taking a few healthy steps regularly to prevent any a disease is far better than taking mammoth like steps daily to cure it because of lack of strong mental dedication and correct knowledge.

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