Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Eat Too Much Junk Food.

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Click HERE to read the model answer to this question.

Answer:

Scientists thought think that (use present tense) most of the people are interested to eat in eating (the correct preposition with interested is in.) too much of junk food and damaging this damages their health. In my opinion, many people does do not know, how this will effect to our health and the problems this may cause moreover, they not think about this type of problems. If we can give proper guidance about this problem we can overcome it.

People do not know how it is going effect affect their health. Firstlythe governments (missing subject – 1) have to create some awareness about roadside food. Now-a-days this variety of food contains cholesterol, and it causes gastric problems mainly in these days and obesity (overweight). Coming to children these problems more compared to adults. These problems are more common in children than in adults. By not knowing all these problems public are very fond of this food due to its taste. Since people are not aware of these fallouts, they consume these foods regularly. Our government has have to support (support what? Missing OBJECT. Fragment Sentence.) by creating awareness programmes.

1. When your sentence has a missing subject, it is termed as a FRAGMENT SENTENCE. These sentences are considered a grammatical mistake.

On the other hand, people know about their all types of problems that occurred by junk foods people are often aware of the problems that junk foods create. D However, due to their a lack (paucity) of time, many people are eating consume this food. (Prefer the simple present tense over present continuous tense.) Mostly Most of the people who are staying stay away from home and who are going go to offices are usually they will prefer this these variety (these varieties) of food. For this category of people They can not think about their health since they are giving give more importance to their time and work. 

(This paragraph is supposed to be about the alternative to education. I can’t see the alternative. Please read the model answer.)

To summarise, eating of junk food will not effect to our health but too much of eating raises health issues. Meanwhile, some of them thinking  think that it will satisfy hunger, but, on the other hand, how it is going to be effect cannot imagine we cannot imagine its negative impacts. By giving suggestion Through education, people will change because first will be health and all comes in next.

Most of the sentences are weakly structured. As a result, the meaning of most of them is unclear. This will impact the LR, TR and CC score as well.

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1 reply »

  1. Can you explain why do we have to write the alternate of education? I thought we have to give the reason behind why education will not work as they haven’t asked for the alternative.
    Thank you

    Like

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