Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Eat Too Much Junk Food.

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Click HERE to read the model answer to this question.

Answer:

Scientists thought think that (use present tense) most of the people are interested to eat in eating (the correct preposition with interested is in.) too much of junk food and damaging this damages their health. In my opinion, many people does do not know, how this will effect to our health and the problems this may cause moreover, they not think about this type of problems. If we can give proper guidance about this problem we can overcome it.

People do not know how it is going effect affect their health. Firstlythe governments (missing subject – 1) have to create some awareness about roadside food. Now-a-days this variety of food contains cholesterol, and it causes gastric problems mainly in these days and obesity (overweight). Coming to children these problems more compared to adults. These problems are more common in children than in adults. By not knowing all these problems public are very fond of this food due to its taste. Since people are not aware of these fallouts, they consume these foods regularly. Our government has have to support (support what? Missing OBJECT. Fragment Sentence.) by creating awareness programmes.

1. When your sentence has a missing subject, it is termed as a FRAGMENT SENTENCE. These sentences are considered a grammatical mistake.

On the other hand, people know about their all types of problems that occurred by junk foods people are often aware of the problems that junk foods create. D However, due to their a lack (paucity) of time, many people are eating consume this food. (Prefer the simple present tense over present continuous tense.) Mostly Most of the people who are staying stay away from home and who are going go to offices are usually they will prefer this these variety (these varieties) of food. For this category of people They can not think about their health since they are giving give more importance to their time and work. 

(This paragraph is supposed to be about the alternative to education. I can’t see the alternative. Please read the model answer.)

To summarise, eating of junk food will not effect to our health but too much of eating raises health issues. Meanwhile, some of them thinking  think that it will satisfy hunger, but, on the other hand, how it is going to be effect cannot imagine we cannot imagine its negative impacts. By giving suggestion Through education, people will change because first will be health and all comes in next.

Most of the sentences are weakly structured. As a result, the meaning of most of them is unclear. This will impact the LR, TR and CC score as well.

Donate Used IELTS Books

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

 

Advertisements

2 replies »

  1. Can you explain why do we have to write the alternate of education? I thought we have to give the reason behind why education will not work as they haven’t asked for the alternative.
    Thank you

    Like

  2. In recent times,the rate of consumption of junk foods have increased drastically, thus, many options are being explored to discourage this high consumption. One of such options is through awareness and education of the populace about feeding. While some people believe that education will work properly in this regard, others disagree. I completely agree with the former.

    Few people do not believe on the efficacy of feeding education as a means of dissuading people from taking junks which obviously is detrimental to the health. There has been recorded instances where such awareness failed to achieve the intended objective. For example, in the northern part of Nigeria, World Health Organisation (WHO) embarked on a program termed “proper dieting”. This program had a major setback because of language barrier. Hence, antagonists of food education often state that language is a major barrier for such awareness.

    However, education is the key to achieve any developmental stride in any sector including health and food sector. Awareness of negative sides of junk food consumption should be made using so many medium. To address the issue of language barrier experienced by WHO in their campaign for proper dieting, literate locals should be trained then after, they will in turn train the illiterate ones. A modern type of training, which has worked for awareness is the pictorial for of training. In this method, meals that are healthy for consumption is marked with a positive sign while the unhealthy ones are marked negative. For example, in remote India, which is noted for high prevalence of illiteracy, pictorial representation of healthy and unhealthy foods was conducted by WHO and positive results were gotten.

    Conclusively, education remains the key to good dieting and healthy living. Just like the common saying, “knowledge is power”, education is the only way knowledge can be transferred.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.