Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Better For Children To Learn Foreign Language.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some language experts have suggested parents encourage children learning to learn (1) a foreign language at primary school, t (Punctuation problem – 2) They believe that children are able to form a better language sense in at an early age. From my perspective, (This is the same as “I“. Do not repeat in different words.) I completely disagree with the statement and my reasons are below. (3 – Special Note)

1. The ing form of learn means that children are doing this RIGHT NOW (at this moment). Your intention is to write that they do it in general.

2. Note that you cannot connect two independent clauses using a comma. You should separate them using a PERIOD. Each independent clause has a purpose which is different from other independent clauses. I’ve explained this concept in detail in THIS ARTICLE. Alternately, you can convert the latter sentence into a dependent clause by using a connecting device: ….language at primary school since they believe that …..

3. This is an opinion question that asks YOUR opinion. So, you should MENTION the reasons supporting your view only. You’ve mentioned that reasons (.. at an early age) supporting the view that you do not support. But, you’ve not mentioned the reasons supporting your view (… my reasons are below). Let us rewrite this introduction: Some language experts suggest that parents should encourage children to learn a foreign language in primary school. I disagree with this belief since this may exert extreme stress and they may fail in learning other opportunities(Now, discuss the former in BP 1 and the latter in BP 2)

To begin with, (You’ve already begun the essay with the introduction. These words are redundant. They do not convey any meaning.) spending time on learning a foreign language may cause unnecessary confusion to children. Children at that age (at what age? There is no reference for that.) They are still learning have to learn (do not use the Present Continuous Tense. Refer to point 1.) their own (4) mother tongue. If they have to learn another (5) foreign language, they may feel stressful and confused. Eventually, they would not have better proficiency on both their own country’s language and foreign language. (The sentence is poorly constructed. Use THEM as a referencing device to avoid repetition of words – mother tongue, foreign language. Let us write it as: Eventually, they would be proficient in neither of them.) For example, my 10 years old cousin, Jenny, learn has been learning English since (6) she was in elementary school. However, she always confuses which grammar rules are for Chinese or English. Thus, it is obvious that bilingual education may cause unnecessary perplexity.

4. This is a Tautological expression. These are phrases in which two words convey the same meaning. These words are, thus, repetitions and one of them is completely unnecessary. For example, I personally believe; my own view; their own home.

5. This is their first foreign language. The earlier one is their mother language. Wrong use of another.

6. SINCE = something began in the past and it continues in the present. If something started in the past and it is still happening, you should use the PRESENT PERFECT CONTINUOUS TENSE.

Furthermore, learning a new language requires a lot of time to practice, which will reduce reduces (maintain the same tense – Simple Present – requires, reduces.children‘s learning times on other important abilities. To explain it further, (7) the aims aim of the primary education is all-round development in morality, intelligence, physical, social and aesthetic sense. If children have to spend their time learning a foreign language, they may ignore other important learning opportunities opportunity. I believe, therefore, the foreign language classes are less important for people in elementary schools.

7. No need to write this. It is obvious that you will explain this. Overuse of cohesive devices reduces the cohesion score.

You’ve made a good attempt in developing arguments in a logical manner. You need to work on grammar, sentence structuring, and lexical resources (word accuracy) to improve your overall score.

By way of conclusion, learning a foreign language at such an early age will cause confusion and a bad severe reaction to language. Thus, I once again reaffirm that I completely disagree with the given statement. I believe that learning at secondary school is much more suitable for pupils.

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