Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Companies Use Advertisements To Increase Sales – 1.

Most successful companies use advertisement to increase sales. What are the things that made advertisement effective? Is this a good thing or a bad thing for society?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Advertisements are used by various companies to boost sales. If proper measures such as choosing the right medium and highlighting key features, (no comma here) are taken, these may increase a company’s revenue. I believe it has they have (use the correct pronoun to refer back to a plural subject.) a positive effect on people. 

There are various steps which makes make (subject-verb disagreement) an advertisement effective. Firstly, if an advertisement it (avoid word repetition. Use a referencing device instead.) is displayed at a right place and at a right proper (an optimum) (avoid word repetition – righttime it will have a greater impact on its audience. For example, an advertisement for travel insurance is more meaningful if shown at a flight booking website portal (platform/ application) or a website that provides city tour packages. If the same is used displayed on at a music website or a health fitness website, (If X, Y. Do not forget the comma.) it will attract no audience. Secondly, by explicitly showing the main features of a product also (you’ve already used a cohesive device – secondly. Also means the same.) makes an advertisement effective. For instance, nature’s cooking oil has more sales than baba’s cooking oil because its packet has clearly mentioned that their (what do its and their refer to. You want them to refer to Nature’s cooking oil. But, two pronouns cannot refer to the same noun.) oil has no cholesterol and Trans fat whereas the same is not mentioned on baba’s cooking oil packet. Restructure: For instance, Nature’s cooking oil has more sale than Baba’s cooking oil since the former clearly mentions that there is no cholesterol or transfat in it and the latter does not.

There are numerous lexical resource issues that you need to address. Avoid the repetition of some words and use more appropriate ones at other places.

I believe advertisements are quite fruitful for a society. It provides They provide (use a plural pronoun to refer back to a plural subject) extra information to users (to a user) which is helpful to produce desired results. (1) For example, advertisements (subject-verb disagreement) of multivitamin capsules clearly state that it they (subject-pronoun disagreement) should be consumed directly after a meal. Similarly, a hair oil advertisement claims that it can reduce hair fall only if it is applied before sleeping. Moreover, a user comes to know of learns various options available by seeing these advertisements. He is able to compare different products in a market and decide which product is satisfying satisfies his needs better.

1. Note that the idea statement and explanatory sentences should be as clear as the examples. Here, desired results is not clear. It is vague. Let us write it as: It provides extra information to users which is helpful in making purchase decisions and enables them to use the product correctly.

To conclude, targeting correct audience and promoting primary features are two significant factors that makes make an advertisement effective. This also works in favor of consumer by providing him extra information and letting him decide on various options available.

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