Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Some People Work Harder Than Others.

Some people work harder than others. What are the reasons? Is it positive or negative?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is noticeable that (Noticeably, many people …….) many apply themselves at work more than others in order to do self-development. This trend is extremely useful in the work environment for both the employees and the companies.

When you stop learning, you stop leading. (These are two dependent clauses that must be connected using COMMA. The correct construction is “When X, Y”.) And the best way to learn is by doing more work and practice (by doing more X and Y.) by practicing. As such, many individuals are keen to work hard in order to develop their skills, which often pays off for them by getting helps them get promoted in the organization where they work. Many employees get awarded each year when their evaluation shows a better performance than the previous year and an excellent achievement. (a better performance and an excellent achievement seem to convey the same thing) Moreover, (1) being a hard worker and an avid learner helps help in creating a higher work profile. This can help (word repetition – helpempower the employee when he wants to look for another job with higher (word repetition – higher. Better use stronger in the previous sentence) pay. For example, a significant number of employees spend a couple of years in one company and then they leave it to another one with a higher position and a higher salary. This is a general sentence and not an example. For instance, I joined an Asian software company in 2013 and worked hard on emerging technologies such as Artificial Intelligence and Blockchain. As a result of my excellent performance, I was selected by Google as a lead engineer in 2018. 

1. I advise not beginning a sentence with Being. Mostly, students miss the subject in this construction. It is missing in your sentence as well. Moreover, hard work and positive learning attitude help in creating a stronger work profile.

On a higher (too much repetition of the word higherlevel, (The introductory clause – On a higher level – does not convey any message.) this trend is with no doubt (Use this instead of the introductory clause. – 2) a vital (vital in what sense? – 2) one for companies and (organizations are same as companies) organizations. The higher (repetition – higher) the employees’ profile in a company the better the atmosphere would be internally. (This sentence does not convey any meaning. What is its purpose?) First, it elevates (3) increases the motivation between of the workers. (4) This gets reflected in better productivity, which in turn gets reflected results (word repetition – reflectin better figures remuneration (not an appropriate word) for employees and higher superior outcome for the company and, thus, for the employees. (The sentence needs restructuring.) It is only when the employees work hard that the market value of a company goes higher and, consequently, its employees get rewarded for their contribution in that. When employees work hard, the company’s revenue and profit increases and it, in turn, rewards the employees.

2. Undoubtedly, this trend is vital for the economic progress of individuals, companies, and countries.

3. Use the most appropriate word. You can ELEVATE a person’s status, but not motivation. It can only be increased.

4. The sentence is poorly structured with sub-optimal words. You can’t increase motivation between workers. Firstly, it motivated workers to work more efficiently.

To summarize, there are many benefits, at both individuals individual and organizations organizational levels, to of the extra hard work that many of the employees embrace in today’s work environment.

Donate Used IELTS Books

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.