Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Imported Food Or Local Produce?

Nowadays food travels thousands of miles before reaching consumers. It affects the agriculture and economy of the destination country, and for this reason, people should prefer food produced by local farmers. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Read model answer HERE.

Answer:

It is not uncommon common to find imported food products on market shelves. Some people believe that it is negatively affecting negatively on the local economy and the agricultural sector. (Parallelism – X and Y: The first words of X and Y should belong to the same family. Here, let us make both articles – the.) I tend to agree with this view because of losses farmers face and drainage of reserve of the country.

The imported food items cause local farmers to lose market share because they (1 – refers to local farmers) cannot compete with the quality and the quantity provided by the foreign exporters. Many nations have developed the industries for this purpose, and they (refers to many natons) have highly advanced technologies to produce at a mass scale. This results in them Thus, they are forced (2) to sell at lower prices as compared to the local items lower than the input cost (than the cost of production), (wrong comparison. The farmers are producing local items.) causing the farmers them to lose market share and, eventually, detrimental financial crisis. Many farmers are facing a similar financial dilemma in India as they are incapable to compete of competing (incapable of + ing form of verb.) with imported (3) importers of fruits and vegetables, pushing many to financial debt and causing an increased rate of suicides.

1. Once you’ve used they to refer to local farmers, you can’t use it to refer to another subject in the same stem. They, in the next sentence, refers to many nations. This is wrong. In fact, there is no need to write they in the second sentence. 

2. The use of This is incorrect. This, in the previous sentence, refers to quality and quantity. You can’t use it to refer to another subject in the next sentence. This is the same mistake as in point number 1. 

3. Do not compare apples with oranges. You can’t compare farmers with fruits. You can compare farmers with importers.

Another factor is drainage of government funds which are used to import Moreover, the import of food items leads to the drainage of government resources to other countries. There is no doubt that Undoubtedly, the exporting nations accumulate wealth, but on at the expense of consumer countries reserves. These funds can be used for local developmental programs to improve industries and make the country self-sufficient. The 1994 potato crisis in Pakistan is a good example of this when For instance, due to a massive fall in potato production in 1994, the Pakistan government imported potatoes at the expense of halting infrastructure improvement projects, which were never completed. This led to financial crunch for these projects and, even after more than two decades, the projects stand incomplete.

Though you’ve made an excellent attempt in developing the arguments, you need to improve sentence structure to express the ideas more specifically. “Is a good example of this” – is wordy. Write concisely. “Another factor is” – is wordier than Moreover. “There is no doubt that” can be conveniently replaced with Undoubtedly. Note that I’ve elaborated the example to make it more specific.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that the local agricultural industry, as well as economy, suffer to great extent when food products are imported. That is why consumption homegrown products should be encouraged.

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