Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Science Will Increase Longevity.

Science will soon make people live up to 100 or even 200 years. Some believe this is a good thing while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The average lifespan of a human is expected to be extended to over exceed (write concisely) 100 years due to the unprecedented advance in science. While this poses is a good news (You can’t POSE a news) for many, (While many people consider this a good news, ….) others hold the view that it will lead to a high contention in the society on the already highly consumed resources of the earth. (Just mention the broad idea – contention in the society.) I tend to support the former view in this argument. 

On the one hand, many think that a long life means a better life, theoretically. Firstly, with all the major fatal diseases & plagues being treated excluded, thanks to the advancement in the medical field, life would have more room for people to enjoy as they would care less about afflictions and the associated pain and suffering (1). Also, longer life means more time to fulfill one’s dreams and passion. Currently, life is too short to achieve all what that one can dream about in his life.  

1. Parallelism issue: “X and Y”. The first word of X and that of Y should belong to the same family. While pain is a noun, suffer is a verb. Suffering is a noun.

On the other hand, others incline to differ on this matter (= on the other hand. Both these indicate that you are shifting to the other side of the argument.) They many people think that the world is already witnessing a resource problem due to the overpopulation of the earth. Increasing the lifespan of people means multiplying the earth human population. This would lead to a fierce contention on for the vital resources of the earth such as water. Consequently, conflicts and wars could erupt, resulting in the death of thousands and the suffering of a much bigger number of people.

There are a few lexical resource issues and some grammar mistakes. Also, the ideas can be better developed by writing them more specifically. 

To summarize, people may one day live to be 100 years old or more owing to the development of science. I think that if this development was is accompanied by a similar advance in preserving the resources and producing it, then it would will definitely be advantageous for humanity as a whole.

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