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IELTS Essay Correction: Visitors Should Follow Local Customs.

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

As the old saying goes, “when in Rome, do as Romans do.” (1) Whether traveler visits travelers/ visitors to other countries should change their habits and behavior to fit local customs is debatable. I believe that respect to local culture and follow it traditions is more important. (Parallelism issue – respect is a noun, follow is a verb. Let us create parallelism with culture.) (More important than what? MORE demands a comparison. There is no comparison in this question. Either you should do this or not.)

1. This exam is designed to test your English language writing skills. Do not write someone else’s words. Write your own sentences.

Some people believe that we should respect local residents. If foreigners are not familiar and do not follow the local tradition, they may embarrassed or even offend the local people. (Overuse of word local. Avoid it. 2) For example, Japanese usually used (wrong tense. I guess they still use it.) use the white package as wedding monetary gifs. In my country, Taiwan, however, the white envelope is used (word repetition – used) in a funeral. (3) If the Japanese do not change their habits when they celebrate to with their Taiwanese friends, they will definitely offend them. (Who will offend whom? They, them should ideally refer to one noun/ subject only. While the former refers to the Japanese, the latter refers to the Taiwanese.)

2. Restructure to avoid repeating LOCAL: Some people believe that we should respect the native people of an area. If foreigners are not aware of their traditions and rites, they may feel offended. (‘they’ and ‘their’ refer to “native people” in the previous sentence.)

3. Avoid repeating the word use. Also, you can combine the two sentences: For example, while the Japanese use white envelopes for giving money during weddings, in Taiwan, my home country, people prefer them in a funeral. So, if a Japanese meets a Taiwanese friend during a wedding, he may end up embarrassing the latter by giving a white envelope.

On the other hand, some people argue that we should accept customs the cultural differences. They believe that the country would be more attracting attractive and interesting. (4) Cultural diversity, after all, is a spice of life. (This sentence does not express anything new. The previous sentence ‘attractive and interesting‘ is sufficient. Just explain it.) When people embracing embrace a different country’s lifestyle, (which people? which country? You’ve already talked about visitors embracing native culture in the previous paragraph. I think you mean the opposite here. – 5) people could enjoy a variety of cuisines, wear different styles of clothes and learn more languages. Moreover, this not only helps the a country to become more interesting (You mentioned the word interesting in the second sentence. Do not over-do it.) but also to become more powerful. The local universities and companies will attract more elites sharp and intelligent individuals from all over the world. That is because people would not be afraid of been suffering from racism or supplanted in this (which country?) the country. (A pronoun must refer back to a noun/ subject. THIS does not have a noun to refer back to. GR score suffers.) (Note the use of ‘a country’ and ‘the country’ to avoid the referencing problem.)

4. Parallelism issue. While attrating is a verb, interesting is an adjective. Use an adjective – attractive.

5. When the local people embrace the culture of the visitors, they make the local culture more diverse and rich. (Now, explain DIVERSE and RICH in the next sentence) 

In conclusion, I strongly believe that one should respect local culture and do not offend local residents are much more important since it could avoid unnecessary conflict and could (could is common for both avoid and bring.) bring harmony to the world.

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