Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Spend Money On National Celebrations.

Governments spend a lot of money on national celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much money on this and they should use the money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

According to some, the government should not waste (1) spend too much money on celebrating events such as national festivals and ceremonies. This It can be utilized on education, poverty reduction (2) and health of individuals. I strongly disagree with this since these are important to keep the history alive and stay united.

1. There is an important difference between waste (negative), spend (neutral), and invest (positive)Let us not use the term waste at the beginning of the answer. 

2. Note the subtle but important difference. While education is a positive thing, poverty is negative. Let us use poverty reduction.

Celebrating national events makes people realize the importance of their country. Every year, the government of Pakistan decorates tomb of Quaid-e-Azam on his birthday and on the Independence Day and arranges speeches on these occasions. This imparts a message to the citizens to know the worth of numerous sacrifices and enormous struggle made by the political leader to create this country obtain this land. Without this, they would forget the history. Moreover, carrying out Air shows airshows and D displaying A air crafts on the Air force airforce day encourages the soldiers to continue fighting for the defense of their country. Therefore, the government is correctly allocating rightly allocates the money to the celebrations of these events.

The arguments are logically developed. There are no serious grammar issues. Minor issues in building the right words. There is an appropriate use of cohesive devices.

Apart from this, spending money on conducting programs on public festivals such as Eid, Christmas, and Diwali, spreads an air of (promotes/ encourages peace) peace and equality. On these occasions, no discrimination is made on the basis of caste, custom, creed or religion. This not only allows individuals to enjoy their events according to their rituals but also develops tolerance and understanding for the people of other race in society. Hence, spending funds to maintain peace in a country is as importantce as utilizing money on other social issues.

The arguments in both body paragraphs are specific and logical. Good job!

In conclusion, I believe that the state is not wasting a large sum of money in celebrating national events, (no comma here) as these are essential to bring peace and unity in a country.

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