Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Committing Crimes.

Children and teenagers are committing more and more crimes in many countries. Why is this happening? How can we stop or at least reduce youth crimes?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the model answer to this essay topic HERE.

Answer:

The rate of the crimes committed by minors is rising dramatically in many regions. The two main reasons contributing to it and two possible solutions will be discussed in this essay. (It is better to state the reasons and solution in the introduction. This is primarily due to poor parenting and extreme poverty. These causes can be addressed through proper counseling and economic support.)

Children growing up in rough circumstances are more prone to be break laws. Parenting plays a major role in shaping the character in early years. Many detainees of juvenile prisons come from dysfunctional families. Either they went through authoritarian parenting style or they (They either went through …. or were ignored) were ignored during the years requiring that required more affection because of the divorce of parents. This forces these youngsters to join the antisocial groups and commit crimes committing crimes can relieve from the frustration caused by affairs at homes. (Let us keep only one reason – divorce or affairs at home.) Similarly, lower socioeconomic status also contributes significantly to the probability of committing crimes. (to what?), however, . However, their (whose motivation. Their does not refer to a noun) , in these cases, the motivation is based on the hardship they youngsters face on the a daily basis. For instance, minors make a great proportion of pickpocketers roaming on the streets of the Mumbai city. (Are these children from a poor family? The example must state this. For instance, an NGO recently reported that the minors from the slums constitute more than 95 percent of pickpocketers on the streets of Mumbai city.)

However, (There is no contrast between problem and solution. Wrong cohesive device.) there are some numerous (a few) measures which can be taken to control the crimes committed by this age group and the combined effort of governments and social welfare bodies is essential for it. Early identification and counseling of students who show traits of troubles at home can make a great difference. For instance, a teenager spending time with the people who have a record of violating laws should be reported to authorities and the counseling should be provided for the entire family to prevent uneventful adverse (negative) consequences. Likewise, guardianship and financial support of those who are underprivileged can positively impact their future impact positively on their fate. Governments can develop programs to support and provide an opportunity for children on streets to enroll in schools so that they focus more on academic activities as their basic need will be taken care of. (The idea is good. But it can be better structured.) (Governments can develop programs that provide free food, clothes, and books to poor children if they enroll in school.)

To sum up, troubled upbringing and crippling/ extreme poverty (parallelism – X and Y. The first words of X and Y should belong to the same family. Let us make both adjectives.) are contributing factors of increasing juvenile crimes.  Emotional support by through counseling by social welfare organizations and financial support by the government can lower it to some extent.

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