Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Play Computer Games Rather Than Sports.

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Video games are becoming very popular among young individuals. There is a growing concern among some people that children are losing interest in outdoor sports because of it. This essay will discuss possible reasons and the impact of excessive gaming(Of course, the essay will do this. This sentence does not add any value to the introduction. It will be better if you MENTION the reasons in support of the statement and STATE your opinion.) This is often attributed to the increasing population pressure in urban areas and the exciting new video game graphics.

Computer games are more interesting (exciting) and engaging as compared to sports. Many gaming productions houses spent spend (invest) millions of dollars on hiring experts to develop games, which are realistic and immersive. Therefore, players invest heavily in the gameplay and consume spend (1) countless hours completing different stages. (Please develop proper task response by establishing a link with sports) This leaves almost no time for physical activities such as swimming, soccer, and badminton. For illustration, the Mario Cart racing game is so much detailed that it takes almost 60 hours to complete all levels in itFor instance, my friends have developed an online group to play Mario Cart, a multi-player game, for more than three hours every day. This time can be better utilized in jogging or playing tennis.

1. Games can consume our time. We can’t consume our time. We can spend it.

Another issue is the lack of sports facilities. The overcrowding of cities is reducing the number of playgrounds is all over the world. The global population is increasing at a very rapid rate resulting in cramping of the residential area to such an extent that many free places like stadiums and community sports centers are demolished and converted to residential accommodations. The Hong Kong city is the prime example of this issue (Let us connect where with Hong Kong.) The prime example of this is the City of Hong Kong where the rising population forced the local government to erect new buildings at land designated for sports grounds.

Collectively, these 2 two factors hold back children to participate from participating in outdoor games and causing cause (2) their fitness level to be below average. Recent research result of by the Boston Children Hospital concluded (conclude = result) that prolonged sitting in front of the screen can cause visual impairment imparities (3) and lack of physical stimulation is resulting in an alarmingly high rate of juvenile obesity among juveniles(Juvenile obesity = seems to be a type of obesity. It does not seem to be obesity among juveniles.)

2. Hold back FROM something. Parallelism issue: these two factors – A. HOLD back …; B. CAUSE …….

3. Visual is an adjective. It needs a noun to exist. Impair is a verb. Impaired is another adjective. There is nothing called imparities. The noun is IMPAIRMENT.

To sum up, the children do not like playing sports because video games are far more interesting. Additionally, overpopulation is causing construction of the residential building on areas designated for sports.

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