Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Artists Should Have Freedom To Express Ideas.

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in word, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people believe that the government should not influence creative artworks by putting a restriction on artists. They believe Rather, we should allow artists to show express their opinion in whichever way they wish. (Once you’ve paraphrased the question statement, you should quickly jump to your opinion. There is no need to write sentence 2 here.) However, I believe some contents are not suitable for people of all ages. The government should put regulation on it.

Some people believe that the government should not influence creative artworks by putting a restriction on artists. I oppose this view (= government should regulate content) since some artworks are unsuitable for people of different ages and cultures.

Many artists share their idea to with the public in a creative but aggressive way, which is not suitable for children to approach (weird sentence construction) unsuitable for children. As young children have not been developing (wrong tense) do not have the ability to distinguish right from wrong, (1) some artworks contents contain bad language, violence and sex are detrimental to their progress. (Some artworks contain foul language, violence and sex. Since children do not have the ability to distinguish right from wrong, these are detrimental to their progress.) Rap songs, for example, often express the dark side of the society and bad word (low band LR.) in the lyrics, (no comma here) may influence children‘s perspective and even form the misconception. (2) In case of giving the bad example to pupils, governments should inspect artists work properly.

1. Wrong cause-effect statement: “Since/ As X, Y” = Y happens because of X. Your sentence means ‘some artworks contain bad language because children do not have the ability …….’.

2. Write clearly. How do rap songs influence children’s perspective? What do you mean by misconception? Rap songs, for instance, often contain offensive language that influences children to commit crimes and rebel against parents and teachers.

Some people may argue that the definition of art is giving artists the opportunity to show their imagination and conceptual ideas freely. It should not be restricted and affected by governments in clause and investigation, or the art will lose its value. (There is no need to write this. The question is “To what extent do you agree or disagree?” You’re supposed to EXPLAIN your opinion only. Not the opposite.) However, I believe that if governments do not impose any regulation, it will be hard to prevent some artist who intends to influence or even educate the audience in a morally wrong way. Therefore, appropriate censorship should be implemented by governments. (You’ve not given any reason why governments should regulate art.)

Moreover, artists, in pursuit of creativity and freedom, sometimes offend sentiments of some people. This often results in protests and social and economic disturbance. For example, Donald Trump, a famous Norwegian artist, recently posted objectionable pictures of a God of a certain community. The followers of that community protested in different parts of the world and burnt down public and private property. (This example is a figment of my imagination.)

In conclusion, some contents are not appropriate for children a young audience. Also, (incomplete sentence) So, there is a need to prevent unscrupulous artists from expressing wrongful objectionable ideas to in the public. I believe that we should not always allow artists to create freely. The government should censor the artwork regularly.

The essay is weak on lexical resources. You need to use better and most appropriate words. Also, there are issues in sentence structuring. Please develop specific and precise examples.

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