Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Moving From Rural To Urban Areas.

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Over the last century, more and more people have moved into cities. This phenomenon is called urban migration. In the following essay, I will discuss the reasons and the effects of this trends. Do not write this. Rather, mention the reasons and problems.

From an economic perspective, there are more job opportunity opportunities (you’ve used are and more.) in cities. (You’ve not explained the first point – more jobs in cities. Do not move to the next point – decent salary. – 1.) Many people move to urban areas to find jobs, (This is not an explanation.) and city jobs often provide a decent salary. (You’ve not explained decent salary. I have merged this point in the previous idea. See – 1.) In addition, education is another reason (= in addition) that people choose to migrate to cities. For example, many families move to cities because they believe that schools in cities have a better quality of teaching. They (pronoun mistake – they in the previous sentence refers to families and in this sentence refers to schools. In a stem, one pronoun must refer to one noun only.) (2) provide better teacher and a superior learning environment. Also, in many countries, higher learning institutions are often located in towns, so many youths move to cities when they get into university.

1. Mention an idea and explain it completely. Note that I’ve developed it in a logical manner. This increases scores in TR and Coherence. From an economic perspective, there are more job opportunities in cities than in villages and towns. Cities are the hubs of manufacturing and services industries which need a skilled workforce and, thus, pay a better remuneration. Villages, on the other hand, have work related to farming only.

2. There are numerous places where a pronoun is not required. Avoid writing at these places to prevent the pronoun mistake. For instance, in this sentence, you can avoid writing ‘they believe that’. For example, many families move to cities because schools in cities offer a better quality of teaching. They provide …………

Note that you should raise two points and explain them thoroughly. Do not leave any idea unexplained.

However, this phenomenon has caused several problems for society. First of all, this situation it widens the economy economic (3) gap between countryside and city. The As the economy in the countryside continually gets worse, so people from rural areas move to cities to find a job. (Connect the cause-effect sentence using “Since/ As X, Y” construction.) Because of labor shortages, the economy in the remote area gets much worse while that in the urban areas gets stronger (Show the widening gap by mentioning both urban and rural areas.). Secondly, it increases the prices of commodities, housing and transport in urban areas, because the supply lags behind the demand, so the price will increase. (Your sentence structure is “X because Y, so X”. This is incorrect.) (The idea is not properly elaborated.) (4) Thirdly, cities will (maintain the same tense – Simple Present Tense – SPT) become overcrowded, which causes (SPT) traffic jams and air pollution.

3. Qualifiers are always adjectives. Economy is a noun, economic is an adjective. What is the quality of gap? Adjectives are used to mention “quality”.

4. Secondly, it increases the prices of commodities, housing, and transport in urban areas. The increasing pressure of population leads to a spike in demand for food items, energy, and water which puts tremendous pressure on the existing infrastructure. It sometimes takes decades for the municipal corporations to address these issues.

In conclusion, it is evident that there are several causes of urban migration, and a variety of effects on society. If the governments do not solve this issue question, the problem will become worse.

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