Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Offenders Commit Crimes After Serving Punishment​.

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Most of the criminals often repeat their misdeeds despite being punished.  This happens because of the harsh environment inside the prison. The issue can be handled by spreading some positivity and introducing mind refreshing physical activities.

Everyone is clear with the fact that Evidently (Clearly), life inside the prison is pathetic. Criminals Inmates are treated rudely not only by their fellows but also by the policemen. An article in Hindustan times mentioned that (they refers back to inmates) they are subjected to several inhuman acts such as sexual assaults and physical torture are performed inside the jails. (If you use inhuman acts in the context of inmates, the correct word is not performed, but subjected.) This forces them lawbreakers to act aggressively in order to safeguard themselves. It further encourages them to keep an offensive mindset. A serial killer in a recent interview revealed that he has had (1) not seen any humble act inside the prison for the last 10 years. This had prevented him from reforming and he still had the propensity to commit murders. (Let us complete the example.) Since our surroundings have a great influence on us, our punishment system fails to provide a positive environment for criminals to change. (This statement is unnecessary.)

1. The serial killer is talking about the past of past. He REVEALED in an interview. This is the past. His experiences were before the interview. This is PAST OF PAST. The right tense is Past Perfect Tense.

Merely giving punishments to offenders won’t make them a better people person. (offenders = plural.) We have to show them the positive side of the world. There should be a dedicated TV television channel in the prison which focuses primarily on positive news. This will make prisoners them realize how people feel when they step forward to help the community. Moreover, there should be regular yoga and meditation session inside the prison. Yoga helps to relax the body and mind, and remove negative thoughts. Meditation, on the other hand, will keep the person them calm. (Meditation, on the other hand, will help them control their mind.) Sessions like these will have a strong impact in shaping the life of a prisoner person.

To recapitulate, prisoners should be shown the bright side of life and encouraged to attend physical activities which will rejuvenate their mind. This will help to helps develop a new and better perspective in among them. 

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