Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Personal Qualities Or Experience.

Employers should focus on personal qualities over qualifications and experience when choosing someone for a job. To what extent do you agree with this?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

When hiring new staff, companies aim to increase the productivity and performance. (1) Thus they are keen to find those who are the best fit (2). Some think the attitude and ethics are the key features to consider during recruitment, others believe that the certificates and work experience have the priority. In my opinion, those who are work professionally competent and have strong teamwork skills should be selected.

1. Note that the use of article the is incorrect since you’re talking about productivity and performance in general. If you talk about them in a specific manner, you can use the. …companies aim to increase the productivity and performance of operations.

2. Note that the ADJECTIVE CLAUSE should have all the elements of a sentence (except subject). Your adjective clause has missing ‘auxiliary verb’ – are. It is incomplete. King Richard, who is taller than most people, is a great ruler.

There is no doubt that newbies to an organization should be internally accepted by teammates and fellows (3) in order for them to smoothly integrate with the team. Therefore, (Wrong cohesive device. The previous sentence does not suggest the use of therefore in this sentence.) during interviews, (4) employers care the most about the level of communication and teamwork skills at of the candidate as these are the key to a more cooperative and integrated team. However, (though plays a role similar to however) Though the personal qualities are admittedly important, they do not guarantee success if the person is not qualified to for the position he was hired to. 

3. Note that you’ve altered the message in your endeavor to write synonyms. The question is about personal qualities, not newbies. I don’t think that teammates and fellows are same as experienced employees. Moreover, once you’ve used teammates there is no need to write fellows. They mean the same. Plus, avoid PASSIVE VOICE. Undoubtedly, organizations should welcome individuals with exceptional qualities even if they are inexperienced.

4. During interviews is an interruptor. Please keep it within two commas. It gives information, but it is not a part of the main sentence.

There is a scope to develop the ideas in a more specific manner. Task achievement is not excellent.

In contrast, other companies prioritize the number of years of experiences experience and the level of the education a candidate has. They think that in the new and challenging business market, only qualified individuals can leverage their expertise to help the company develop and expand in many ways. For example, by giving unique ideas and solving troublesome issues (incomplete sentence. A fragment sentence reduces your score in GR. For example, Google has grown to become the world’s largest technology by hiring experienced computer engineers who know how to write a powerful code.). Regrettably, one may not be able to utilize his strengths if he could not get along with his team members and loses their support and help (= support). 

To conclude, a minimum level of communication skills is a must for any candidate who is qualified for a job to be able to bond with the team and fulfill the job’s requirements.

There is enough scope to develop ideas in a specific fashion. Observe the example I’ve written in BP 2. You should write such examples to improve Task Achievement.

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