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IELTS Essay Correction: Food Travels Thousands Of Miles Before Reaching Consumers.

Nowadays food travels thousands of miles before reaching consumers. If affect the agriculture and economy of the destination country and, for this reason, people should prefer food produced by local farmers. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.   

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

With the advent of modern innovation and urbanization(1) food production and distribution has have (production and distribution are two separate activities.) changed its their ways from during the last few decades. Now, food covers a long distance to reach the customers’ tables. This trend definitely has a negative impact on the agriculture sector and on the desired (2) nation. However, I am agree with the notion that individuals should get food from in-house (lexical resource issue – farmers can never be in-house. Products can be.) local farmers as packed food contains chemicals which can have negative effects on mankind. 

1. Need a comma here. “With the ……. urbanization” – is a modifier. It is not a part of the main sentence. It sets the background for the sentence. It modifies food production.

2. A major LR issue. I understand a source nation or a destination nation. But, what is a desired nation?

There are LR issues in your writing. LR is not the same as synonyms. This is a common misperception in the IELTS industry. LR refers to the use of most appropriate words. You can’t use in-house in place of local.  This reduces LR score. You should not try to replace NOUNS mentioned in the question with other NOUNS. 

Majority of consumers give priorities priority to taste rather than nutritional properties. They only eat what they want to, (no comma here) without examining the harmful impacts on the human body. Such food products invite many (numerous/ several) diseases which can turn into a life long term problem. For example, burger king and pizza hut are international suppliers and serving that serve (3) frozen food which travels from one province to another. Customers are paying pay exorbitantly for these products on high charges even after knowing about its their negative impacts such as obesity and heart problems. (The question statement is specifically in the context of agriculture and economy. Not in the context of health.) Economy and agriculture sector also suffer from many problems innumerable issues arising (let us not repeat many problems.from this development. Local farmers do not get their desired a sufficient and rewarding return of their hard work which results into in poverty and starvation.  

3. Parallelism issue. Keep both in the same tense in “X and Y”. X = are; Y = serve. Both are simple present tense.

There is no denying the fact that Undoubtedly, many people who are have more concern for their health these days and wants want to maintain fitness not only from outside but from the inner body as well. (4) Hence, they focus more on food‘s ingredients and on nutritional values before purchasing it from shops. For them, organic food is of paramount importance rather than taste. (5) When food travels thousands of kilometres to arrive at destination, (Need a comma here: “When X, Y”it looses its freshness and becomes unhealthy which leads to detrimental effects on mankind. (Your focus in the same as in the previous paragraph – health. This is not what the question is about.) Food producers add lots of chemicals and preservatives to keep food fresh for a long time with the objective to earn profit. 

4. The structure of the sentence is deeply flawed. Firstly, you’ve used too may words to express it (undoubtedly). Secondly, if you use “who …… ” in a sentence, it becomes adjective clause. An adjective clause merely gives the quality of a NOUN in a sentence and is never a part of the main sentence. So, your sentence is: “Undoubtedly, many people.” That’s a fragment sentence.

5. Read your sentence carefully. You’ve compared APPLES and ORANGES. You’re comparing organic food with taste. That’s incorrect. So, the sentence suffers from LR, TR and GR issues. This will plummet your score.

To sum up, food which travels thousands of miles from one place to another (= thousands of miles) looses its properties and becomes waste. Buyers should focus on organic food generate which is grown locally. As food is the main necessity for our survival and we should not play with our body. 

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