Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Tourism Is A Growing Industry.

Tourism is an ever growing industry. What benefits do you think tourism brings to individuals and society?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, there is a rapid increase in the revenue generated from the tourism sector.  It helps in the country’s economic growth by increasing enormous (= increasing) employment opportunities for the locals. Tourist business also helps (avoid word repetition – helps) in maintaining a healthy relationship between nations by exchanging cultural values.

Let us combine the two sentences to avoid repeating the word helps: It helps not only in a country’s economic growth by increasing employment opportunities but also in maintaining a healthy relationship between nations.

Undoubtedly, the travel industry is one of the widely used methods (an industry is not a method. Logically incorrect.) to generate income and increase the country’s wealth. (Undoubtedly, travel plays a vital role in income generation and wealth creating both at the local and national level.) Because of globalization, it is easy to commute from one place to another and people tend to go on vacations annually to discover new places or countries. This gives immense job opportunities to the locals (natives) locals of tourist cities. For instance, Thailand is one of the world’s famous travel destination, (1) known for its scenic beauty and beautiful beaches. Here, restaurants, hotels, and resorts are competing compete (maintain Simple Present Tense. Present continuous is incorrect. Can you guess?) for tourist’s satisfaction and create offers as well as events to allure as much (much is uncountable in nature. Tourists are countable.) many tourists as they can. According to a global business report, Thailand generated 70 percent of country’s its revenue from tourism in the year 2018. (Though the ideas are logically developed, there are a few sentence structure and grammar issues. This will impact the GR score.)

1. Sentence structure issue: What is known for its scenic beauty? Thailand or Destination? This is a modifier and it MUST BE placed next to the noun it modifies. For instance, Thailand, known for its scenic beauty and attractive beaches, is one of the world’s famous travel destinations.

In addition, (2) the benefits are not merely confined to economic aspects. Tourism can be advantageous to society in other extends domains (areas) such as cultural exchange and diversity. People gather from different nations from different nationalities, backgrounds, and ethnic groups meet at tourist attractions. Such gatherings help them to mix and meet (mix includes meet) with each other. Furthermore, they share their customs and values with the locals in a respectable manner which enhances prosperity and diversity. For example, Tourist country like India welcomes 2 million tourists every year to ISCON temple, and (3) many American tourists now diligently follow this culture. In fact, they have contributed a lot to build built similar temple in their country. (Ideas are logically developed but there are numerous sentence structuring issues. GR score will suffer.)

2. This is NOT a new benefit. You’re just stating that there are more benefits. Wrong use of a cohesive device.

3. Note that you can not connect two independent clauses using a comma. Please use a FULL STOP or AND.

To conclude, tourism plays an important role for in developing development and prosperity (4) of countries. It represents a source of income and supports local economies of those countries, it and also provides a vigorous cultural exchange for local societies and people.

4. Parallelism mistake: X and Y. The first words of X and Y should belong to the same family. While developing is an adjective, prosperity is a noun.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.