Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Young People Bring More Profits To Companies.

Some people believe that young people bring more profits to a company. Others say that older people actually bring more profits.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is irrefutable to say that human resource is one of the strong pillars of any organization. Although it is sometimes thought some people think that to make business more profitable young employees are important, others believe that the elderly workers are a better resources. I consider that for any business to become successful an optimum balance between the mixes of these two age groups is required. While the young employees are believed to be more innovative and physically strong, old employees are considered because of their valuable experience and as motivation to others. (You just need to state your opinion in the introduction. Leave the explanation to body paragraphs.)

To begin with, (You’ve already begun with the introduction. No need to write this.) it is often argued that an organization earns more profit owing to the innovation which the young brings to the workplace. There is no doubt about the fact that in the contemporary epoch, there has been a tremendous growth happening across the industries. (1) Therefore, it becomes vital for corporations to keep themselves updated so that they can also develop superb consumer-centric products and propositions. (2)

Moreover, consumers also expect something new whenever they plan to purchase anything such as gadgets or any other product of daily use. (What does this have to do with a YOUNG WORKFORCE? Lost task response.) What is more Also, young people are also required where there is a need of for more physical work. This is because they carry passion and enthusiasm to work as they intend to build a strong foundation for the future career. (How does this lead to greater profits?) To exemplify, various multinational companies recruit straight from top business and engineering colleges so that they can keep on bringing new products through fresh minds and innovative ideas. (This does not explain the idea. – 3)

1. How does this sentence explain the IDEA statement? It does not. This is completely unnecessary. Worse, it destroys coherence in your answer.

2. Note that your idea is – Young people help earn more profits through INNOVATION. You’ve not explained the idea. How do youngsters help earn greater profits? Youngsters (They) have productive brains that allow them to have superior problem-solving skills as compared to the elderly. For example, Google and Facebook have recently claimed that they command highest margins by employing a young workforce that solves complex computing problems in short spans of time.

3. Also, young people have greater capability to do physical work which is required in numerous occupations. Sectors such as construction, mining, farming, and fishing require manual labor that older people can not provide. A 25-year-old young man, for example, can carry more goods from one shelf to another in a Walmart store than a 50-year-old can. This increases the profits of the company.

On the other hand, some people debunk the opposite above reasoning (These people support the OPPOSITE REASONING) and contend that employees who are old, possess worthy experience which not only helps the companies to take strategic decisions but also offers a lot of motivation to the junior employees down below. It is commonly observed that there are many things which an individual learn with time and these experiences become more fruitful when a person crosses an age of 50 years. By this time, he knows ins and outs of the company and he also knows about the ramifications of every action. (You’ve not explained how AGE helps in STRATEGIC DECISIONS. – 4) Furthermore, they hold higher positions in an organization and therefore become a great source of motivation for the people who are working under them. (You’ve not explained MOTIVATION and moved to SMOOTH FUNCTIONING. This will impact the TR score.) They are required for the smooth functioning of the organization. For instance, Ratan Tata, who is around 70 years old, and is still offering his experiential guidance to the TATA group of companies and this has helped the group save millions of dollars in penalties. . As a result, companies of the Tata group have saved millions of dollars in terms of penalties just because of the mentorship of Mr. Ratan Tata.

4. Older employees have a deep understanding of an organization and the industry. For instance, a manager in a software company understands the needs of customers, vendors, employees, shareholders, and regulatory agencies better than a fresher. This helps him make the right decisions.

To recapitulate, even the (does someone else bring that too) young people bring new thoughts and are known for their physical strength which helps companies to earn profit margins, while old people are required for their past experience and to boost the morale of employees. I wholeheartedly believe that for the proper functioning of the organization, the wise thoughts of old people and the strong hands of young people for execution are must but with a subtle balance.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.