Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Do Homework In Free Time.

In many countries, people think that children have to do homework in their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Most of the nations have a general thought (NATIONS can’t have a thought. People can have.) People in many countries believe that children should be utilising utilize (prefer Simple Present Tense over Present Continuous Tense.) their holidays focusing to focus on their homework. I do not entirely agree with this thought because free time is essential for children to develop their various skills. (Some words are redundant. They do not communicate anything. Try not writing them. ‘THEIR skills’ – children can, obviously, develop THEIR skills only. Here, “THEIR” is redundant.)

The holiday period is the most awaited time among (TIME can’t be among children. Logically incorrect.) for school children. They want to live freely and want to enjoy fun this time (use this to refer back to holiday period.) with their family members during their vacations. (this time = holiday period = vacations time.) Although, (wrong comma placement. Correct construction is “Although X, Y”.school homework is necessary to complete to be completed before the next school term, some physical activities, sports, and other games is are required to replenish them before they start their extensive schooling. (You’ve written “before the next school term”. Its presence is implicit in the latter part of the sentence.) When school children they spend full time during holidays with family and other (wrong use of other) friends, they learn some substantial intellectual abilities. Grandparents feel chuffed to answer young children’s doubts and questions and brim their brain with knowledge during the summer holidays.

There are numerous sentence structuring issues in the above paragraph. The arguments are logically developed.

However, some people in various countries think that rather than visiting their elders, playing sports, and spending time with other siblings, children must use their energy to finish the homework. They think that lessons from school homework are prominent because it will these (plural pronoun to refer back to lessons.) (prefer Simple Present Tense here. Can you guess why?) help them to score good grades. A great qualification is the foundation of a better future which will illuminates the path of success for young adults. (Twice in the above paragraph I’ve changed Simple Future Tense to Simple Present Tense.) (How does homework connect with great qualification? This destroys coherence.)

… help them score good grades. While learning during school is important to develop an understanding of academic subjects, if students do not practice these concepts during holidays they will lose progress. This will impact the final grades. (Explain GRADES in the next sentence. Do not jump to qualification.)

In conclusion, while homework provides an opportunity to learn, I strongly believe that children should leverage their elder’s knowledge during free time. Free time is an elegant wonderful period for children to develop their physical well-being, confidence, and intellectual abilities which they enhance with the help of their elders.

Grammar (includes sentence structuring) is your weakest area. Please work on this front.

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