Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Overpopulation In Major Urban Areas.

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

Answer: 

Nowadays, the population is increasing rapidly in metro cities. It and it has become an alarming issue for urban centers (= metro cities) across the globe. Lack of employment and public services are two main causes of this issue. (Is overpopulation due to unemployment and poor services? These are the consequences of overpopulation. They are not the causes. You need to restructure the sentence to present them as CAUSES.) (Restructure: This is primarily due to poor public services and massive unemployment in rural areas.) The government can help in numerous ways to resolve this problem.

Firstly, the availability of better public services like educational institutions and hospitals attracts people from rural areas. It is easier for people in cities to access these services without having to commute to another place. For example, 90% (10 percent for rest of India? – 1) of universities and health sector are located in the capital city of India, New Delhi because of which it is one of the crowded city. Secondly, due to the lack of job opportunities in rural areas, people are compelled to migrate to metro cities in search of employment. For example, according to a recent report by the Times of India, Bangalore, a city known as IT hub of India, consists of 70% of the population from outside the city70 percent of the population of Banglore, an IT hub in India, consists of rural migrants who cook food, clean homes and provide other essential services to the city.

1. For instance, while New Delhi, the capital of India, has more than 1000 hospitals, the state of Haryana, which is mostly rural, has less than 250. This has tremendously increased the flow of people from rural Haryana to New Delhi.

You’ve made a nice attempt in developing ideas, however, there is a scope to write more clearly.

The above issues can be handled in many ways to deter the migration from the countryside to cities. First of all, the government should focus on providing improved public services such as better hospitals, universities, and companies for jobs (the govt can’t provide companies) to people in rural areas. The sick people, instead of travelling to cities for treatment, (need this within commas) should be able to (redundant words) have access to doctors in their areas. Furthermore, the government must build new cities to decrease the size pressure of the population from in overcrowded cities. For example, Japan has successfully managed to reduce 20% of the population in their its big and crowded cities by building new cities and creating jobs in those cities. 

In conclusion, the growing population in urban areas is creating a huge problem to city dwellers. To resolve this issue, private sectors and the government should coordinate to open up new companies build public infrastructure and provide employment opportunities in villages and develop the infrastructure to improve the livelihood of the rural population.

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