Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Opting Readymade Food.

More and more people are opting readymade food than homemade food. Do the positive development outweigh the negative development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Over the past few decades, there has been a swift change in the variety nature of food from home cooked to readymade (packaged). These days a significant number of people prefer to have tinned food over home cooked. (1) In my opinion, this phenomenon has more serious drawbacks on health and on monthly budgets while better time utilization can be considered as one of the handful benefits of packed food(THIS already refers to packaged food)

1. Note that the correct construction is “prefer X over Y”. Not “prefer to have X over Y”.

Cost is one of the key factors which gets impacted the most when it comes to packed food. (This is wordy and unclear. Use the first sentence to clearly express the idea. How is the COST impacted?) Packaged foods are invariably costlier than the home cooked food. There are various companies such as TMH and Parle Agro which are in this domain and they spend an enormous amount of money on advertisement to increase the sale. These overhead expenses finally adds into to the cost of end product. Therefore, (missing subject. What makes? This is a fragment sentence. A serious GR mistake.) makes the packed food more costly over homemade food in which cost is limited to purchasing and cooking the raw vegetables and grains only(2)

2. Please write one, clear sentence on HOMEMADE FOOD to make a proper comparison. The comparison is incomplete. Homemade food, on the other hand, incurs lower expenditure since there is no cost for preservatives, human labour and transportation.

What is more Also, readymade foods have negative impact on the health as well. They contain preservatives to increase the shelf life but (wrong connector. Do you want to establish a link between preservatives and nutritional value? BUT fails in doing this.) the nutritional values of the food cannot be maintained. (They contain preservatives that increase shelf life while reducing the nutritional value.) (A that X while Y = Compares X and Y.) Undoubtedly, home cooked food is more nutritious because it is freshly prepared does not contain preservatives so it is healthier than packaged food (= more nutritious). A research conducted by the WHO divulges proves (Research can’t divulge. It proves. LR score suffers.) that the tinned canned food is 70% less healthy in comparison with homemade food because of preservatives in it.

Admittedly, processed foods in some situations helps help in focusing on hobbies and other important activities by (Is processed food utilizing the time? GR score suffers.) utilizing the time in the areas of interest which otherwise could be used in cooking. (Weird sentence construction. – 3) However, I would argue that the crunch of time is not prominent and prevailing across the society. (You’ve raised a point in the first sentence. Please explain it completely. Do not write its opposite.) Few segments (people are NOT segments) such as people who are staying away from their families or those who do not know how to cook often opt packaged food. (Is this sentence an explanation for TIME? Does not seem so. This seems to be another point. Convenience, perhaps.) Even though homemade food takes time to cook, the taste and other benefits it brings, always compensate the investment of time. This is NOT your idea.  

3. Processed foods, admittedly, play an instrumental role in saving time which can be utilized in pursuing numerous hobbies. While cooking at home consumes a lot of time, food in restaurants and supermarket shelves is partially cooked. When you purchase it, you just have to microwave it to eat instantly.

To recapitulate, in spite of better time management on account of consuming processed foods, monetary loss and negative impacts on health are detrimental so . So, consumption of processed food is a negative development instead of positive development. (HOLD IT! In the introduction you termed it MORE negative than positive. You’ve contradicted your opinion. Don’t do that.)

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