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IELTS Essay Correction: Recent Technological Developments And Printed Media.

With recent developments in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, newspapers, and magazines will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that these form of media will never disappear. What is your opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

In the last decade, due to improvements in technology (technological improvements) improvement, people change have changed (1) their reading habit from physical books to electronic books. (2) Some people believe that paper books will disappear in the future while others believe think (3) it they (4) will never be replaced. I believe that with the increase in environmental awareness and the convenience provide by e-books, the traditional ones (5) will soon be a thing in the past the people will stop using paper-based products.

1. Wrong tense. You’re talking about the last decade. That decade started in the past and continues in the present. Please use Past Perfect Tense.

2. Please note that physical books and electronic books are not HABITS. … people have switched from reading physical books to surfing electronic ones.

3. Avoid word repetition – believe.

4. Wrong pronoun. Singular IT can’t refer back to plural BOOKS.

5. What do you mean by traditional ones? It does not refer to anything. Moreover, if something is traditional, it is a thing of past. You can’t say it WILL become a thing in the past. 

The paper books are made from trees and will (6) cause extensive (unprecedented/ unseen/ unimaginable) damage to the earth. Global warming has become serious nowadays, the conception in environment protection are aware by more people (7) (8). In order to protect nature, producing fewer paper books and (9) change changing (transforming) it them into e-books is necessary. For example, newspaper sales number have dropped (10) dramatically in the recent year because people believe that it is too wasteful to print it every day, (11) an alternative method is to read news on the internet. This can also discourages newspaper companies to print from printing (12) the paper news. Therefore, e-books will soon replace the traditional ones.

6. They are still causing extensive damage. Use simple present tense.

7. This part of the sentence is not clear. The use of conception is incorrect. What is “aware by more people”? When a sentence is not clear, you will lose bands both for task response and lexical resources. Moreover, the two parts of this sentence are not connected. Please connect them in the following manner: (Since X, YSince global warming has become a serious threat, most people are aware of its consequences on humanity.

OR

Since environmental preservation is a widely known principle, a number of people have abandoned paper-based books and magazines. They are aware that a large number of trees are cut every year to produce these products and this leads to an increase in the carbon dioxide emissions that cause global warming.

Note the use of connecting devices above. These seamlessly connect various sentences (parts of sentences) and this improves cohesion score while building a strong logic (coherence).

8. The second sentence of a body paragraph is meant to EXPLAIN the idea sentence stated in the first sentence. Your sentence on global warming is not an explanation of the first sentence. This leads to a loss of cohesion.

9. Loss of parallelism. “A and B“. The first words of A and B should belong to the same family and should have a similar structure – producing, changing.

10. You’re talking about a recent year. Please use the present perfect tense.

11. Oops! You can’t connect two independent clauses using a comma. Since the two are not dependent on each other, write them as separate sentences. Punctuation mistake.

12. Incorrect: “Discourage to”. Correct: “Discourage from”. “from + verb + ing”.

Note that the example is not too strong. You need to be more specific while writing an example. For example, the circulation of newspapers has dropped by more than 15 percent in the United States since people prefer to read them on mobile apps such as NYT and the Washington Post.

Furthermore, e-books are much more convenient than paper books, which will encourage people to change their reading habit. Digital books are lighter, less expensive, and gives (13) people more options for reading, (11 – punctuation mistake) it (14) could contain thousands of books in single devices. Students in the past, for instance, usually took 4-5 books with them to school every day. However, (wrong connector – 15) they could can now simply download the e-books in their computer or tablet, which defiantly definitely reduces their troublesome on carrying heavy and thick books.

13. Mistake similar to the one highlighted in point 9. Loss of parallelism. “A, B and C“. The first words of A, B, C should belong to the same family and have the same structure. Note that here less and lighter are adjectives. Gives is a verb. Let us conver this into two independent clauses and connect them through AND. Digital books are lighter and less expensive and they offer more reading options.

14. Wrong sentence. IT refers of digital books. You’ve used a singular pronoun to refer to a plural subject. Also, Digital Books (reference through ‘it’), can’t contain thousands of books. Logically incorrect.

15. However is used to express a contrast in the SAME SITUATION. “I used to carry 5 books to school every day. However, they kept me physically strong.” – However is used to express a contrast in the SAME SITUATION – books. The right connector is WHILE. While the Chinese students in the past used to carry 5 paper books and notebooks to school every day, these days they carry an iPad. This has ……

In conclusion, as e-books not only protect the environment but also make life easier, people will soon replace the paper books to with e-books.

16. You can’t replace something TO another thing. You can replace something WITH another thing. Wrong preposition.

The essay is weak in several areas. However, the greatest concern is grammar. You need to work on prepositions, tenses, parallelism, pronouns. Also, weakness in building solid examples will impact the task achievement score. You must develop all sentences in a logical manner. Otherwise this will impact the LR and TA scores.

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