Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Nature Or Nurture Influence Character?

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

Which do you consider to be the major influence? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:

A scientific research shows (claims) (has proved) that our personality development is highly influenced by genetic factors and natural inheritance rather than been influenced by instead of experience we have in our daily lives. (1) Although genetics play a certain role in this development, I believe that it is they are (2) not solely responsible for our personality.

1. The correct structure is “by X instead of Y”.

2. Use a plural pronoun (they) to refer back to a plural noun (genetics).

On the one hand, to some extent, that genetic factors surely (undoubtedly/ inevitably) influence people’s personality. Human beings are born with a set of characteristics that makes who we become as people that define us as individuals (3). We could simply find the evidence on the newborn babies, some of them whom are more energetic and out-going, however, and others seem to be are quieter and elegance elegant (4). It is an obvious example (I don’t think it is an example) This amply demonstrates that the trait of being extrovert or introvert could be influenced by our genes (5), and the environment or experience does not take have a big significant role in it. (LR issue – BIG is a low band word.)

3. Note that there are better words to express this idea. This will count as a lexical resource issue.

4. Loss of parallelism. “A and B” – A and B should have the same form and structure. While quieter is an adjective, elegance is a noun. 

5. Though this is not a mistake, native users prefer active voice over passive voice. You should use passive voice only where it is absolutely necessary. Let us write in the active voice. This amply demonstrates that our genes could influence the trait of being extrovert and introvert.

On the other hand, I would argue that our personality is a complex trait. What I mean is that i (Redundant. This does not add any meaning to your explanation.) It is influenced by many different genes and environmental factors, neither of them which could be a major influence of on a person’s behavior trait. (let us avoid repeating the word traitFor example, I used to be a very an extremely shy (a timid) and introvert person people; (people is plural) however, due to the work purpose (6), I change my characteristic from the experience and training in my life, . (Understand the right place to end a sentence. Wrong punctuation will cost bands.) I have become a confidence confident extrovert individual currently. Thus, I believe that sometimes the environment will force us to change and our personality can easily be influenced by regular practice and experience in life.

6. Work purpose does not convey the message clearly. Let us write more specifically. However, since my job involves meeting dozens of clients every day, my characteristic changed from mildly introvert to strongly extrovert in just a few months.

In conclusion, I do not believe that either nature or nurture is the major influence on a person‘s personality development. It is that b Both factors interact together and make us different from each other.

There are numerous mistakes in this essay. The weakest area is lexical resource. You need to use the OPTIMUM words to communicate the idea clearly. Also, grammar is a bit lacking. The weakest spot within grammar is PUNCTUATION.

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