Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Job Seekers Living Away From Family – 1.

Nowadays many job seekers are finding jobs that force them to move far from their family and friends. Is it a positive or negative trend? What can be done about it?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

People, nowadays, have to sacrifice their hometown for work (1) which migrates them far away from their parents and friends. I believe, it has an adverse effect both on the person and his family by increasing the communication barrier between them. Moreover, it also has the potential to lead an adult towards a wrong path.

1. WORK does not MIGRATE people. People, nowadays, have to sacrifice their hometown and migrate to distant places in search of work.

When a person lives away from his parents, communication reduces to one phone call a day. During that time, both the person and his family does do not show true emotions so as not to demotivate the other person (2). Parents, on the one hand, miss the presence of their child which who once kept the home atmosphere charged and exciting was once keeping the home alive. Child, on the other hand, misses the home cooked food served with love and affection to him hassle free. People They are bound to hide these feelings over a call.

2. The sentence is well built. However, LOGICALLY, it is a bit lacking. Where does DEMOTIVATE come in picture? It is loosely connected with the sentence. During that time, both the person and his family do not show true emotions and prefer to hide their problems.

Also, every family has a set of rules which one cannot afford to break more often (This means that you can sometimes break them.). This way, parents keep a check on their son/daughter child and help them to him stay on the right path. However, when the same person he lives far away from home, he is free to attend those late night parties which he uses to miss under family pressure where youngsters are often exposed to drugs and gambling. Although it makes the person independent, it often introduces him to illegal activities. (You must mention ILLEGAL activities as I have done.)

To curb prevent this situation, the government should take measures to evenly distribute the job market across the country. At least e Every other state should have ample (sufficient) work opportunities so that even if a person has to travel for a living, he can come back every weekend to see his family.

To conclude, I would emphasize that working away from home tends to disturb the work-life balance as it weakens the family relations of the person and makes him inclined towards a negative activities direction. (Can’t incline towards a direction)

The essay is well structured. However, there is sufficient scope to use better (and optimum) words. Also, the arguments are not specific in a few places. There are a few logic flaws. These will likely impact the TA score.

1 reply »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.