Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Job Seekers Living Away From Family.

Nowadays many job seekers are finding jobs that force them to move far from their family and friends. Is it a positive or a negative trend? What can be done about it?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A large number of people move to different (1) cities and countries when they get a bright job opportunity. Although such people they get stay away from their loved ones, this practice makes them courageous. Use of advance communication can fill this gap easily.

1. The nature of different is unclear. Does this mean cities different from each other OR cities different from the original place of residence? LR issue. A large number of people migrate to other cities in search of bright career opportunities.

A new and good work profile provides various opportunities to explore new culture, new places, new people, and different food options. (2) People not only get exposure to new cities (What do you mean by exposure to new cities? This is not clear.) but also they get encouragement to develop their social and professional skills. (This sentence is NOT specific. Not my sentence in point 2.) A whole new experience from a new (too much NEW) and different world enhances their cognitive thinking and they learn various important lessons in their life. (3) Eventually, such people become more confident, more friendly then before and they start taking challenges in their life. (I can’t see whether they are living away from their family or not. – see the last sentence in point 2.)

2. There is a lot of NEW in this sentence. Moreover, it is a low band word that does not convey the idea clearly. Let us be more specific. Migrating to distant locations provides multiple opportunities to experience diverse cultures, foods, and languages. These cities offer exposure to the latest and emerging skills in domains such as medical science, nanotechnology, robotics, and artificial intelligence. This gives them the tools necessary to build a strong, reliable career while earning sufficient to support a family. Thus, even though they live away from their loved ones, they get numerous material benefits.

3. Your sentences lack specific and clear meaning. What enhances cognitive thinking? What important lessons? How are cognitive thinking and important lessons linked to new experiences? Note the sentences in point 2.

Nonetheless, modern technology can reduce the distance between such people and their families. (4) The Internet has become the boon for such people (too much of such people.) (see sentences in point 4) and easy availability of the smartphones can connect people easily via smart technologies, such as Skype, Facebook, and Whatsapp. Other (wrong use of OTHER.) family members at distant locations also feel excited when they see live video calls This gives them a chance to see each other through pictures and video calls and satisfies them that their loved ones are fine. While the old people gain happiness from seeing their children and grandchildren, the youngsters crack jokes with their friends. This makes old people happy and young people enthusiastic for their future in the families. (not clear. What do you mean by future in the families? How does this make old people happy?) Such experiences support other family members (The meaning of other family members is not clear.) to get a good education and uplift themselves.

4. Nonetheless, modern technology can bridge the distance between family members living far away from each other. The internet coupled with smartphones can connect people through applications such as Skype, WhatsApp, Facetime, and Facebook.

In conclusion, going to get starting a new job at different locations but far away from families helps people to improve in various ways. These people will They (do not change the tense – maintain Simple Present Tense as in the previous sentence.) become intelligent and, by using advanced communication technologies, they will never feel distance from their families and friends. Such trends will set the success path for industrious people and their other family members. (Set the success path; other family members – not clear.)

The essay suffers from poor lexical resources. There are numerous word repetitions and the words used are not optimum. Also, many words do not make any sense. The response is not sufficiently specific at a number of places. This is likely to impact the LR and TA scores.

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