Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Managers Responsible For Organization’s Success – 1.

Some people believe that managers are responsible for an organization’s success, while others think various features of the organization play a vital role in it. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Many people believe that the profit of the a firm (you’re talking about firms in general. Not a specific firm.) is in the hand of managers, whereas, others believe that ample of other factors (1) are responsible for it. I think that though managers are accountable for everyone’s performance in the team, overall success depends on a variety of factors such as market analysis and marketing.

1. Word usage: ample is an adjective. Do not use a preposition (of) with it. Link it directly with the noun factors. Also, you do not need other with factors. This will also help you avoid word repetition (other).

Managers play a crucial role in elevating the performance of the a team and managing ensuring smooth coordination between its members various departments. (your explanation is about the team. Not about departments.) At last, it is not the individual but the team efforts that contribute massively to the output of a task. Thus, managers are dedicatedly appointed to make sure no conflict arises in the team due to any miscommunication. Moreover, his their (managers = plural) role is also to keep the team motivated by showing trust value in each member of the team. For instance, a recent report in Economic Times quotes that the reason for (that demands the use of word reason.success behind the rapid growth (use either success or rapid growthof Indigo is that they have one manager over every 10 ten people working in their company and all of them are highly qualified. (The example does not express any trust value. The idea is not explained. This will impact the TA score.)

Though the performance of the workers (The question is not about workers. It is about managers. TR score suffers.) management contributes directly to the success of a company, other factors are more prominent (2) important in determining it. Firstly, market analysis is the critical factor that decides on whether the a company will survive or outperform the competitors or not. (Do not use or not with whether.) If it is not done wisely, service or the product developed by the company will not be used by the people resulting and this will result in huge losses. (3) The right medium of marketing is another factor that is accountable for the sale of the product consequently deciding the growth of the company. (3) . Consequently, the revenue and profit of the company grow. For instance, if a hair transplant service is advertised at a college fest, there won’t be many customers since the students in the 20’s are rarely affected with baldness. (This example is NOT about the medium of marketing but about the place of marketing.)

2. Many words often seem similar in meaning. But they are not. PROMINENT is very different from IMPORTANT. Prominent is important in the sense of FAMOUS or NOTICEABLE. All prominent things are important. But, all important things are not prominent. For example: Correct: A healthy heart is important to live a healthy life. Incorrect: A healthy heart is prominent to live a healthy life.

3. This paragraph suffers from the issue of proper connections between two independent clauses. In the former sentence, INDEPENDENT 1 = If it is not …… used by the people. INDEPENDENT 2 = resulting …. losses. Please note that you need a connector between the two clauses. You can’t simply connect them through words like resulting and consequently (in the second sentence). Either use AND or a FULL STOP.

To recapitulate. I would like to emphasize that if proper market analysis is done to develop a product/service or a service and then it is advertised through a the right medium, it will definitely make the company successful irrespective of the performance of its managers.

 

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