Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year to make employees better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
Some people claim that in order to improve the performance of employees, employers should grant them at least a month holiday each year
to their staff. I completely disagree with this statement because it is impractical and idealistic. In my opinion, the idea that all workers could receive a long holiday per year is completely entirely impractical. Every employee takes their responsibility in a company. (I guess you want to write: All employees play an important role in the operations/ performance of a company,) If they leave their position for a month, other people must have to (= must) take their jobs replace them (fill their position). This raises the question of who should complete the work for them This is often not possible since it entails a huge expenditure for a company. (Your sentence is informal in nature. Write formal structures.) Besides, even if their colleagues are willing to take the tasks, I doubt that whether they may not will be able to do the extra work. (1) Eventually, (2) bring this results in inferior work performance.
1. You doubt their ability to work. That is, you believe they will NOT be able to work. Do not mix the two.
2. There is no subject in this sentence. This is a fragment sentence. It will hamper your grammar score.
Note that your words are not optimum for the context. You will lose score in LR. Also, the sentence structure is not strong at a few places. This will impact the GR score.
As well as being impractical Additionally, I would argue that a month holiday each year may reduce employees’ efficiency. Nowadays, (3) the world is changing rapidly, (4) without working for a month will let employees lose connect with real-world. This may lead to poor job results performance (choose the most appropriate word) and, consequently, influence the profit of the a company (you’re not talking about a specific company but about any company. Wrong article.). For example, in my office, Nancy, who takes took a month long maternity leave, recently resumed her job. (wrong tense) However, she found out (discovered) that she could not finish the works as quickly as she used to be and required more time to adapt to the fast-pace d of the office. It is obvious (evident) that this idea does not bring any advantage for both company or staff.
3. When you use the present tense (is), that means nowadays.
4. Note that there are two clauses in this sentence. They are related to each other. But they are NOT dependent on each other. You can’t connect two independent clauses with a comma. Either keep them as separate sentences or use AND. Clause 1 – the world is changing rapidly. Clause 2 – not working for a month …….. Correct version: The world is changing rapidly and not working for a month leads to loss of connect with the business world.
You can make the two causes dependent by using SINCE. Then you can separate them using a comma: Since the world is changing rapidly, (comma connection) not working for a month leads to a loss of connect with the business world.
Lexical resource and sentence structuring issues.
In conclusion, while a one-month holiday every year for employees might seem like a good idea in theory
; however, (5) I believe that such a scheme would be unworkable in reality.
5. Use only one connector to connect two clauses. Correct construction: While X, Y.